"Say what you really mean ...."

[LuckyPierre]

I stole (and adjusted for Australia) these from this week's RoadBike Rider bulletin.

"It's not that hilly" really means
"This climb lasts longer than John Howard's Prime Ministership", or
"Be careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over - backwards", or
"You only have a 39x23-tooth low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon".

"This energy bar tastes like real food" really means
"This energy bar tastes like real dog food".

"You're doing great, mate" really means
"Hey, lard-arse, I'd like to get home before midnight. This is what you get for spending the winter watching football and eating chocolate".

"It's not that windy" really means
"Yes, that was a mobile home cartwheeling by. No, they're not supposed to be that mobile".

"I was just riding along when it broke" really means
"I rode down a flight of stairs on my 398-gram race wheels", or
"I drove into the garage with my bike on the roof", or
"I decided to save weight by filing the rails on my saddle".

"This is a 'no-drop' ride" really means
"We'll need an article of your clothing. It's for the search-and-rescue dogs."

"The proprietary Carbonium tubing yields a stiff yet compliant ride" really means
"This bike feels exactly like the 14 gazillion others produced in a monster factory in Taiwan, but our marketing guy had to come up with something to justify the $4,000 price tag".

"It's not that far" really means
"Yes, it is that far".

[heavymetal]

It's in that direction and it's all down hill really means
It's actually in another direction and it's all up hill!

You'll find plenty of water on that track really means
Only what you are carrying with you.

This bike has been rarely ridden really means
Yeah, once and into the sea, where it then sat afterwards in a garage for 10 years and corroded away.

Come ride with us, we don't ride very fast! really means
Racing pace, average speed above 35 km/h

[Bnej]

I'm guilty of:

There's only one real hill this way
... it's at the start and it will kill you.

[mikesbytes]

This one is an actual

"Its going to be an easy ride, as we are riding with "******" and there's a race tomorrow.
- Then the route got changed from Kernell (flat) to RNP (very hilly and longer)
- Then we are riding at 29kmh into a wopping head wind on the way out
- Then came the hills
- Then my legs died
- The following day my legs were still dead, for the first half of the race I struggled to keep in the bunch and then my legs came good. There was only one break which was hunted down quickly and then the bunch just crused, this left the race down to the sprinters + me and I came second. Not a bad result on dead legs.

[pospete]

This one is an actual

"Its going to be an easy ride, as we are riding with "******" and there's a race tomorrow.
- Then the route got changed from Kernell (flat) to RNP (very hilly and longer)
- Then we are riding at 29kmh into a wopping head wind on the way out
- Then came the hills
- Then my legs died
- The following day my legs were still dead, for the first half of the race I struggled to keep in the bunch and then my legs came good. There was only one break which was hunted down quickly and then the bunch just crused, this left the race down to the sprinters + me and I came second. Not a bad result on dead legs.

Were they trying to Nobble you?

[mikesbytes]

This one is an actual

"Its going to be an easy ride, as we are riding with "******" and there's a race tomorrow.
- Then the route got changed from Kernell (flat) to RNP (very hilly and longer)
- Then we are riding at 29kmh into a wopping head wind on the way out
- Then came the hills
- Then my legs died
- The following day my legs were still dead, for the first half of the race I struggled to keep in the bunch and then my legs came good. There was only one break which was hunted down quickly and then the bunch just crused, this left the race down to the sprinters + me and I came second. Not a bad result on dead legs.

Nah, just the way it worked out. They weren't racing in my grade the following day anyway.




Were they trying to Nobble you?