You know your a cyclist when:

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cjrich
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You know your a cyclist when:

Postby cjrich » Fri Jan 09, 2009 2:04 pm

A mate of mine (non-cyclists) emailed me this and I thought it was quite funny. How many of you can relate?

You know your a cyclist when:

1. You use your helmet as a hairstyling device.

2. You can give instantaneous directions to any corner in the city, but only for those using bike paths and public transportation.

3. All of your pants have frayed cuffs and chain-grease marks.

4. You keep deodorant and baby wipes at the office.

5. You are polite to most everyone, you blush at some rap songs, but you swear like a drunken sailor when a grandma in an SUV cuts you off.

6. Although you speak only English, you're perfectly capable of pronouncing several words in Italian.

7. The friend who was so happy to see you on his morning drive wonders why you gave him the finger when he honked.

8. You think nothing of walking into public places dressed like a super hero.

9. When someone asks for bike-buying advice, you:
a) ask, "How many thousands do you want to spend?"
b) assail them with so many questions about intended use, riding style and the like, not to mention such personal questions as pubic bone height, that you make bike buying sound like rocket science and unintentionally put them off the idea.

10. When that same person reacts by saying, "It's only a bicycle," your jaw drops and your eyes bug out, and you're only half kidding.

11. When you encounter rough pavement, you say to yourself, "Ah, pave," and daydream about leaving the peloton in your dust as you speed through Arenberg Forest.

12. A car goes by with two (your preferred gender here) carrying two bikes. Later, you can't recall their hair color or what make car, but you can ID the bikes' make, model and color.

13. You sometimes wish you had a longer commute to work, just so you could ride more.

14. You have 3 bikes and you absolutely need more.

15. You've been asked if you're a tap dancer.

16. You ride 50 miles, one way, with a twenty in your pocket and if you actually buy something, you consider leaving the change because of the weight.

17. You select a restaurant because of its charming, outdoor dining. Your bike is 23 inches away. You lock it anyway. But you can't enjoy your meal because you can't take your eyes off your bike.

18. You consider the color of the bikes hanging from your ceiling when selecting home decor.

19. You missed more than two family events this summer due to scheduling conflicts with club rides.

20. Another cyclist asks you for the location of the nearest bike shop; you fix their bike on the spot.

21. You and your friends can recreate the Jaws scene where Quint, Brody, and Hooper compare scars, each with an even better story, except yours go something like "This is from a 1990 Buick station wagon that turned left in front of me and put me over the hood."

22. Multi-ton cars and trucks tear along in front, alongside and behind you... your pulse rate: 66.

23. You shop for your spring wardrobe at LBS, rather than malls and clothing stores.

24. Your idea of surfing consists of drafting buses, mini-vans, and SUVs to keep up with the green wave.

25. You practice track stands and bunny hops in your spare time.

26. When actually driving, you stop at a red light and since no pedestrians are in the crosswalk you start to drive right through before you realize you are NOT on a bike, and slam on the brakes.

27. Similarly, when driving on the highway at 60 mph, you freak out at a 1-inch-wide groove in the pavement. What if your tires get stuck?

28. You know the location of all the major potholes between your home and office.

29. You can't think of the last time you saw any of your friends who don't bike
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JV911
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Re: You know your a cyclist when:

Postby JV911 » Fri Jan 09, 2009 2:40 pm

cjrich wrote:8. You think nothing of walking into public places dressed like a super hero.
that made me LMAO
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Postby moosterbounce » Fri Jan 09, 2009 2:53 pm

Yeah...wet my pants at #8.

I AM #1!! I used to have long hair but it got in the way, so I got it cut short and spikey - now I can put on my helmet with wet hair and the air through the vents manages to style it much better than I usually do :D

I have done #11 too :oops: and 12 and 14 and 16 etc

Not sure about 26 though...I'm not a couier :wink:

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Re: You know your a cyclist when:

Postby jasimon » Fri Jan 09, 2009 2:57 pm

cjrich wrote:How many of you can relate?
These particularly resonated:

4. You keep deodorant and baby wipes at the office.

8. You think nothing of walking into public places dressed like a super hero.

13. You sometimes wish you had a longer commute to work, just so you could ride more.

22. Multi-ton cars and trucks tear along in front, alongside and behind you... your pulse rate: 66.

28. You know the location of all the major potholes between your home and office.

29. You can't think of the last time you saw any of your friends who don't bike

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Postby Doorknob » Fri Jan 09, 2009 3:20 pm

#7 that many times my friends no longer acknowledge me when I'm riding

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Postby twizzle » Fri Jan 09, 2009 3:26 pm

#30 - every time you want to put away keys, wallet, change etc. you reach behind your back looking for the pockets before realising that you aren't wearing a cycling jersey :oops:
I ride, therefore I am. But don't ride into harm's way.
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Postby RICHARDH » Fri Jan 09, 2009 3:40 pm

#31 You and your dad are banned from cycling talk at family gatherings :roll: :wink:
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Postby trailgumby » Fri Jan 09, 2009 3:48 pm

You know you're a mountain biker when...

... you run into a bunch of road cyclists at the entrance to the Wakehurst Golf Club, who ask you for directions to the entrance to Manly Dam.

You have no idea. You shrug, point vaguely behind you and suggest knobbly tyres...

^^^
This happened to me on the weekend. I had absolutely no idea what to tell them - felt completely clueless. :oops: :oops:

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Postby sogood » Fri Jan 09, 2009 4:14 pm

32. Driving along in your A/Ced comfy car seat but still mentally taking notes of all the road shoulders and grades and planning that next training route.
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Postby muggah » Fri Jan 09, 2009 4:22 pm

33. When driving on the highway you spend the trip hiding in the pack drafting trucks to conserve energy before breaking away to take the stage win before the exit.
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Postby rockgod » Fri Jan 09, 2009 4:32 pm

Here are some i recently received:

You Know You’re Addicted to Cycling When:

- Your surgeon tells you need a heart valve replacement and you ask if you have a choice between presta and schrader.

- A measurement of 44-36-40 doesn’t refer to the latest Playboy centerfold, but that new gear ratio you were considering for your Giant.

- A Power Bar starts tasting better than a Snickers.

- The bra your significant other finds in your glove compartment belongs to your Trek and not the cute waitress at Denny’s.

- You wear your heart monitor to bed to make sure you stay within your target zone during any extracurricular activities.

- The funeral director tells you “NO!” you can’t ride your Cannondale in the funeral procession, even if you keep your headlight on.

- You experience an unreasonable envy over someone who has bar end extenders longer than yours.

- You’re too tired for hanky-panky on a Friday night but pump out a five-hour century on Saturday.

- Your wife tells you the only way she’ll let you ride across the country is over her dead body and you tell her, “If that’s the case, you’ll be my first speed bump!”

- You no longer require a hankie to blow your nose.

- You have stopped even trying to explain to your spouse why you need two bikes…you just go buy another one and figure it will all work out in the divorce settlement.

- You buy your crutches instead of renting.

- You convert your car’s brake and gas pedals to clipless.

- You see nothing wrong with discussing the connection between hydration and urine color.

- You find your Shimano touring shoes to be more comfortable and stylish than your gunboat sneakers.

- You refuse to buy a couch because that patch of wall space is taken up by the bike.

- You have more money invested in your bike clothes than in the rest of your combined wardrobe.

- Biker chick means black spandex, not leather, and a Marinoni, not a Harley.

- “Four cheeseburgers and four large French Fries” is for you.

- You see a fit, tanned, Lycra-clad young woman ride by, and the first thing you check out is her bicycle.

- You empathize with the roadkill.

- Despite all that winter fat you put on, you’ll skim weight by buying titanium components.

- You use wax on your chain, but not on your car.

- When driving, you yell “On Your Left!” on passing another car.

- You yell “Hole!” when you see a pothole while driving your car.

- Your bike has more miles on its computer then your car’s odometer.

- You wear your riding gloves when driving your car.

- You wear your bike shorts swimming.

- Your bikes are worth more than your car.

- You buy a mini-van and immediately remove the rear seats to allow your bikes to fit.

- When you move to a new area the first thing you look for is a bike shop.

- You have more bike jerseys than dress shirts.

- You take your bike along when you shop for a car - just to make sure the bike will fit inside.

- You start yelling at cars to “hold your line.”

- You’re comfortable bumping elbows with step vans.

- You view crashes as an opportunity to upgrade components.

- You clean your bike(s) more often then your car.

- You’re on the Board of Directors for a Bike Club.

- You spend weeks during the summer spraying arrows on the sides of roads.

- You and your significant other have and wear identical riding clothes.

- You mount a $600 cap, on a $1,000 pickup truck, so your $3,000 bike doesn’t get wet.

- You can’t seem to get to work by 8:30 AM, even for important meetings, but you don’t have any problems at all meeting your buddies at 5:30 AM for a hammerfest.

- You can tell your spouse, with a straight face, that it’s too hot to mow the lawn and then bike off for a century.

- You regard inter-gender discussion of genital pain as normal.

- You know your cadence, but you have no idea what your speed is.

- When driving your car you lean over the steering wheel, just like an aerobar.

- Your car sits outside your garage because your garage is full of bikes and cycling gear.

- You tailgate a semi-trailer to get the drafting effect.

- The Bike Nashbar customer order number is on your speed dial.

- You hear someone had a crash and your first question is “How’s the bike?”

- You smile at your evening date, and she politely points out that you seem to have bugs in your teeth.

- You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to cycling.
"When I was a kid I prayed every night for a bike until I figured out that that's not the way that God works, so I stole a bike and then asked him for forgiveness"
Emo Phillips

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JV911
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Postby JV911 » Fri Jan 09, 2009 4:42 pm

rockgod wrote:You no longer require a hankie to blow your nose
thats just gross esp when you're in a bunch and the dude in front decides he needs to have a blow! jerseys have 3 pockets, more than enough room for a hankie :)

some of the others are great :lol:
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superbarok
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Postby superbarok » Fri Jan 09, 2009 6:06 pm

...

- you sigh whenever a rider go past your house while you're stuck there gardening. (dang i should have been riding by now!)

- you're proud to wear that big massive scrape on the knee thinking some other cyclist would know you just had a major stack!

- you spend half your computer time browsing thru BNA!!!

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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PAIN - this TOO will pass

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Postby twizzle » Fri Jan 09, 2009 7:10 pm

...

You see another cyclist and immediately look at the size of the Vastus Medialis & Lateralis muscles so you can judge if they are a serious cyclist or not.
I ride, therefore I am. But don't ride into harm's way.
...real cyclists don't have squeaky chains...

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Postby provoked » Fri Jan 09, 2009 7:16 pm

May be a stupid question...but why the baby wipes?
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cjrich
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Postby cjrich » Fri Jan 09, 2009 7:23 pm

provoked wrote:May be a stupid question...but why the baby wipes?
I thinks it's for those who don't have a shower at the office.
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provoked
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Postby provoked » Fri Jan 09, 2009 7:24 pm

ooo...does it work?

My office only has cold water...
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The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make heaven of Hell, and a hell of Heaven. - John Milton

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superbarok
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Postby superbarok » Fri Jan 09, 2009 7:35 pm

don't mention shower or twizzle will share his shower buddy story again :lol: :lol: :lol:
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PAIN - this TOO will pass

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Postby Dave R32 » Fri Jan 09, 2009 7:38 pm

sogood wrote:32. Driving along in your A/Ced comfy car seat but still mentally taking notes of all the road shoulders and grades and planning that next training route.
+1

and I thought i was only one doing this :D

Cheers
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Re: You know your a cyclist when:

Postby Boognoss » Fri Jan 09, 2009 7:49 pm

cjrich wrote: 4. You keep deodorant and baby wipes at the office.

5. You are polite to most everyone, you blush at some rap songs, but you swear like a drunken sailor when a grandma in an SUV cuts you off.

7. The friend who was so happy to see you on his morning drive wonders why you gave him the finger when he honked.

8. You think nothing of walking into public places dressed like a super hero.

9. When someone asks for bike-buying advice, you:
a) ask, "How many thousands do you want to spend?"
b) assail them with so many questions about intended use, riding style and the like, not to mention such personal questions as pubic bone height, that you make bike buying sound like rocket science and unintentionally put them off the idea.

10. When that same person reacts by saying, "It's only a bicycle," your jaw drops and your eyes bug out, and you're only half kidding.

11. When you encounter rough pavement, you say to yourself, "Ah, pave," and daydream about leaving the peloton in your dust as you speed through Arenberg Forest.

12. A car goes by with two (your preferred gender here) carrying two bikes. Later, you can't recall their hair color or what make car, but you can ID the bikes' make, model and color.

13. You sometimes wish you had a longer commute to work, just so you could ride more.

14. You have 3 bikes and you absolutely need more.

16. You ride 50 miles, one way, with a twenty in your pocket and if you actually buy something, you consider leaving the change because of the weight.

17. You select a restaurant because of its charming, outdoor dining. Your bike is 23 inches away. You lock it anyway. But you can't enjoy your meal because you can't take your eyes off your bike.

22. Multi-ton cars and trucks tear along in front, alongside and behind you... your pulse rate: 66.

23. You shop for your spring wardrobe at LBS, rather than malls and clothing stores.

24. Your idea of surfing consists of drafting buses, mini-vans, and SUVs to keep up with the green wave.

28. You know the location of all the major potholes between your home and office.

29. You can't think of the last time you saw any of your friends who don't bike
twizzle wrote:#30 - every time you want to put away keys, wallet, change etc. you reach behind your back looking for the pockets before realising that you aren't wearing a cycling jersey :oops:
sogood wrote:32. Driving along in your A/Ced comfy car seat but still mentally taking notes of all the road shoulders and grades and planning that next training route.
(this is a major +1)
superbarok wrote: - you spend half your computer time browsing thru BNA!!!
Oh dear....... These resonate for me ;-) (and I could go on, esp with Rockgod's contribution)
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Postby cavebear2 » Fri Jan 09, 2009 7:55 pm

moosterbounce wrote:Yeah...wet my pants at #8.
You'll only get away with that in black nicks :wink:

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Postby cavebear2 » Fri Jan 09, 2009 8:00 pm

33. You get frustrated as hell on the rare occasions that you are driving a car because you can't take short cuts and slide between 4 wheeled vehicles.
34. You worry about your Bike Journal ranking going down because you have to go on a holiday where you can't take your bike.

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Postby mikesbytes » Fri Jan 09, 2009 8:41 pm

35. In the office you are asked "how far do you ride to work" and regardless of how little or how far that answer may be, their next response is "wow that's a long way"

And yes, I took a mental note of the rode conditions between Sydney and Canberra, last time I took the urban assault vehicle that way.
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Postby trailgumby » Fri Jan 09, 2009 9:09 pm

rockgod wrote:Here are some i recently received:

- You empathize with the roadkill.

- Your bike has more miles on its computer then your car’s odometer.

- You wear your riding gloves when driving your car.

- You clean your bike(s) more often then your car.

- Your car sits outside your garage because your garage is full of bikes and cycling gear.

- You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to cycling.
:oops: :oops: :oops:

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Postby Mulger bill » Sat Jan 10, 2009 12:15 am

You know every watering point for a 15km radius around your home.

Moving your car reveals four little clean squares on the driveway.

Shaun
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