it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling parent

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it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling parent

Postby jules21 » Mon Nov 12, 2012 10:23 am

we've seen it in other sports for years now and i saw it for the first time yesterday in cycling.

presumably dad riding alongside his son on the Kew Boullie. dad was dressed in all-Silence Lotto gear on roadie, while son was in lycra kit and flat bar. the son looked about 16(?) and obviously not yet a lean, mean cyclist. he was sweating profusely as i passed him and overheard the old man ordering him "come on! i want more out of you!"

i cringed and rode on.
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by BNA » Mon Nov 12, 2012 11:13 am

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Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby g-boaf » Mon Nov 12, 2012 11:13 am

That's not a nice thing. :(

I'm guessing the dad didn't ride for that team, did anyone ask him about wearing team kit? :P
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Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby Sydguy » Mon Nov 12, 2012 12:54 pm

That is beyond sad. Poor 16 year old!

You should of told the Dad "Come on I want more out of you!" as you passed/dropped him.

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Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby ldrcycles » Mon Nov 12, 2012 2:49 pm

Ouch :( .
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Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby Xplora » Mon Nov 12, 2012 2:53 pm

That's fantastic... very very hard to work out how that relationship is going based on 10 seconds of judgment. Maybe the boy needs the push? Maybe the dad is having a bad day? Maybe the boy is having a bad day? LOL

Judge not, lest ye be judged yourself... there are tons of deadbeat teens, and they aren't made into champions by bludging. My parents didn't push me, I pushed myself when I was a kid, but it was definitely something modelled to me. HTFU isn't something you are born with.
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Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby jules21 » Mon Nov 12, 2012 3:01 pm

Xplora - i've read a few bios of champion cyclists and i'm yet to come across one in which they did anything but discover cycling themselves and use self-motivation to achieve. i think having your dad yell at you is about the surest way of ensuring a kid will grow to resent whatever endeavour they're being pushed into.

my dad pushed me with a few things as a kid and it certainly killed my enthusiasm. i grew to love cycling for the feeling of freedom it gave me. the last thing i'd have wanted was my dad riding alongside, yelling orders.
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Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby greyhoundtom » Mon Nov 12, 2012 3:09 pm

A presumed father...............might have been the boys paid coach inciting a bit more effort. :?:
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Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby jules21 » Mon Nov 12, 2012 3:12 pm

greyhoundtom wrote:A presumed father...............might have been the boys paid coach inciting a bit more effort. :?:

who knows, but to me his voice had the distinct tone of an overbearing parent, not a paid coach.
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Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby jules21 » Mon Nov 12, 2012 3:15 pm

Xplora wrote:Judge not, lest ye be judged yourself...

i'd be more hesitant to draw judgment if i was identifying them, but as they're anonymous, it's more just a random observation.

i think i made it clear enough that there was scope for me to miscomprehend what was going on, but i know what it looked like.
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Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby fitz » Mon Nov 12, 2012 3:35 pm

my dad pushed me with a few things as a kid and it certainly killed my enthusiasm. i grew to love cycling for the feeling of freedom it gave me. the last thing i'd have wanted was my dad riding alongside, yelling orders.

This.
I did a one eighty on nearly everything my dad pushed me into.
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Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby drubie » Mon Nov 12, 2012 4:48 pm

There was a bit of that kind of thing on show at the state junior cycling championships (although I highly recommend going along to spectate if it comes near you one year).

Having said that, 99% of the parents are incredibly supportive, it's a tiny minority that are doing the overbearing parental thing. Some of the camping/travelling setups those families have invested in are quite a sight to behold, I guess that 1% are just trying to get their moneys worth :twisted:
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Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby ColinOldnCranky » Mon Nov 12, 2012 11:09 pm

What can you glean from ten seconds even if you were there? Even less on hearsay.

Totally agree Xplora. I was relieved as I scrolled down to see at least some reluctance by a few to judge the reported moment. With due respect to Jules, there will be plenty of kids who will be coaxed and cajoled out or choice and desire. I have seen it often enough of friends in my youth and since. I copped some of it myself. Sometimes parents, sometimes other supporters or coaches.

I think we are taking a big step to assess the incident too seriously.

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Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby scotto » Tue Nov 13, 2012 1:21 am

Maybe it wasn't even his dad.
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Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby wardie » Tue Nov 13, 2012 8:01 am

I took my 6 year old son out for a ride on the weekend and whilst I never said that I wanted more from him, I was making sure that I strongly encouraged him to 'just try and get up the hill'. I hope no one thought I was being over-zealous.

My Dad never actively encouraged me to do anything (apart from becoming an accountant which I didn't) so I find myself leaning the other way.
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Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby jules21 » Tue Nov 13, 2012 8:46 am

wardie wrote:I took my 6 year old son out for a ride on the weekend and whilst I never said that I wanted more from him, I was making sure that I strongly encouraged him to 'just try and get up the hill'. I hope no one thought I was being over-zealous.

if you're still doing that when he's 16, i'd be more likely to wonder if there's a problem :)
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Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby wardie » Tue Nov 13, 2012 8:51 am

jules21 wrote:
wardie wrote:I took my 6 year old son out for a ride on the weekend and whilst I never said that I wanted more from him, I was making sure that I strongly encouraged him to 'just try and get up the hill'. I hope no one thought I was being over-zealous.

if you're still doing that when he's 16, i'd be more likely to wonder if there's a problem :)


I hope he still talks to me when he's 16.
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Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby igstar » Tue Nov 13, 2012 9:20 am

I was at a crit racing event in Melbourne and overheard a couple of parents having a go at each other on the side over the sons who were competing at the time. So sad...
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Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby munga » Tue Nov 13, 2012 1:24 pm

yeah go along to a junior rugby league final for entertainment in the stands!
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Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby ColinOldnCranky » Tue Nov 13, 2012 1:25 pm

jules21 wrote:
wardie wrote:I took my 6 year old son out for a ride on the weekend and whilst I never said that I wanted more from him, I was making sure that I strongly encouraged him to 'just try and get up the hill'. I hope no one thought I was being over-zealous.

if you're still doing that when he's 16, i'd be more likely to wonder if there's a problem :)

Unless said 16yo is by then trying to crack into national selection or something and is himself calling for encouragement/harrassment/shouting for the extra immediate motivation. Whatever works for him.

I suspect that those who have an issue with this sort of stuff is to do with the failed wannabe athlete who lives out their own frustrated ambitions thru their kids. Regardless of my posts here you can count me into that group btw.
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Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby VRE » Mon Nov 19, 2012 7:11 am

jules21 wrote:Xplora - i've read a few bios of champion cyclists and i'm yet to come across one in which they did anything but discover cycling themselves and use self-motivation to achieve. i think having your dad yell at you is about the surest way of ensuring a kid will grow to resent whatever endeavour they're being pushed into.

my dad pushed me with a few things as a kid and it certainly killed my enthusiasm. i grew to love cycling for the feeling of freedom it gave me. the last thing i'd have wanted was my dad riding alongside, yelling orders.

Agreed. My Dad was the opposite of the one described in the OP: he spent about 2 decades trying to convince me to get a driver's license, then gave up. I'm content to just be a cyclist, and he's seen the physical effect of it and I think is happy that I'm doing it :D .
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Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby Eleri » Mon Nov 19, 2012 6:00 pm

Alex Simmons/RST wrote:http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mchu6th7eW1qdlh1io1_400.gif


That chap has a good throw on him! :D
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