foo on patrol wrote: Marriage is give and take = compromise on issues of me time on both sides. 31yrs of marriage here and two kids.
+1, that's the key to a really happy relationship IMO.
open topic, for anything cycling related.
+1, that's the key to a really happy relationship IMO.
When man invented the bicycle he reached the peak of his attainments- Elizabeth West.
You asked for it
4th bedroom/bike repair room
Rock garden complete with cactus Sid race fork
Last edited by ZepinAtor on Sat Apr 27, 2013 10:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Gas propulsion.......it's natural don't fight it.
Hey Zep, that is fantastic what you have done, love it.
I don't suffer fools easily and so long as you have done your best,you should have no regrets.
Very glad to hear you've resolved something positive from getting this off your chest, however
your priorities are a bit of a worry. It is a question of balance, but if you're priorities are
out of whack, you can't get that right.
If you get things right, your wife will be with you for the rest of your lives - even when too
old and frail to cycle. She deserves to be No.1 on the list.
Children might be there too, but they'll be turn out better for it if you don't presume that -
they might be too overwhelmed by their own family and work responsibilities for you to
rely on them still being there for you.
Cycling will be there as long as you want (and are fit & able to do it). But work owes
you no loyalty and no matter how good you think it is now, will be the most fickle
of your companions. It enables you to take care of the important things in your
life, but you shouldn't rate it so important that it leaves insufficient time for the
truly important people and interests.
Somebody has to do something, and it's just incredibly pathetic that it has to be us -Jerry Garcia
Sorry for the thread hijack Mr ft- , but this is almost relevant in an obscure way.
Sorry no room here This place is full of bikes
Gas propulsion.......it's natural don't fight it.
I think you better call the local council for pick up
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Speak your mind,Those that mind dont matter, Those that matter dont mind!!
I don't know about your situation ft_critical but I think that a relationship where one partner is so vehemently against the other's healthy interests to the extent that he or she feels it necessary to minimise or hide their hobby for fear of upsetting their partner, is a massively dysfunctional one. Good relationships need trust, and respect. If you can't respect and at least passively support your partner's choices in life (as long as they're reasonable) you really shouldn't be with them. Just my opinion.
No comment... once you start doing some serious kms, cycling is a BIG time commitment. Surely more expensive than being a gym junkie, despite the protein and supplements.
I'm looking forward to my boys being a bit older so they can come riding - currently my wife has not returned to riding regularly (she was the cyclist when we got married!) so she might change her mind as the kids get older. Ultimately, you have to do what you need to do. I've found cycling seems to tick enough boxes as a hobby for me that I'll keep it going for quite a while longer I think... as long as I'm not doing 500km weeks I think it should be OK? lol
Best of wishes for working out a happy medium where you and your wife are both happy, ft_critical. Only you can decide whether you are satisfied and fulfilled in your relationship. The views here are just our views and at the end of the day you need to do what is right for you and your family.
Frankly I would have thought it a clear no-brainer to allow your significant other to cycle as they get fit and can actually look years younger than they really are. I'd really prefer an active person to a couch potato who has no energy to do anything (including possibly not being able to be active with any children we might have).
Work should come last on the list of priorities. I've come to the realisation that employers pretty much don't give a rat's behind for their employees when their own profits may be at stake. You shouldn't put all your loyalty in them as they are unlikely to do the same for you when the cards are down. Of course, some employers are not like this, but most are.
Your own mental and physical health should be one of the first priorities as well (up there with the wife). If you are happy it will help to make everything and everyone else around you happy. Your wife should be striving to make this happen too (give and take goes both ways).
My horse-riding came before the partner and I think in that respect he understands that it is a part of me although he doesn't like that my horse takes me away for hours at a time. I have changed a few things around because he wasn't happy with the amount of time (or lack of it) we were spending together. I used to swim two evenings a week (in addition to playing organised matches another night a week). Then on the weekends I was away riding. We discussed things, I worked out a way to change my routine but still do what I was doing (I now swim early mornings instead of in the evenings, the sporting matches still go ahead and it actually works out better as I get up at the same time every morning to exercise before he's even woken up).
I'm not going to presume to say what another person's priorities should be. And I agree that many employer's attitudes towards staff are that they are just numbers to be up and down sized. However, people who are successful at paying off a (usually very large) mortgage usually have a fairly good work ethic and place their employment/career/work high on their priority list. Especially if they are a single income family.
Seriously, is this the place to air the dirty family linen? Seems to me the OP and his wife should be talking to a marriage guidance counsellor rather than him posting to a bunch of anonymous people on a forum. Either that or he should have framed the terms of reference differently.
Some days you are a big, strutting rooster, some days you are a bit chicken and some days you are just a complete cocque. Roger Ramjet: 2009 Giant CRX3 Spockette: 2009 Trek FX 7.3 (WSD, property of Mrs Monsoon) Lady Penelope: 2011 Avanti Cadent 1.0 TdF
I guess most of us read the OP incorrectly and thought you were married to some over-bearing b.tch...
It is my experience, from watching other couples and just general life experience, that "foreign national" women can indeed be quite demanding and very sensitive. However... You've also mentioned something that has been raised in many responses here, and that is that marriage or relationships are a compromise, give and take. You say your wife craves quality family time and her resentment of your riding possibly stems from this. So...the question must be reversed: in which ways are you falling short in the give and take?? Do you work a lot? Do you spend a lot of time away from home, be that socially (at the pub), or professionally (work trips)? Do you give her the love and attention that you should? If she is craving that quality time with you and your riding seems to her just another excuse for you not to be in the house, maybe this is the issue??
Sorry, please don't think I am pre-judging. I am of course only responding to words on a computer screen and the situation for you is most likely far more complex. Your follow up post just struck me as an attempt to indicate it's actually not all your wife's fault...so, what percentage of this situation is accountable to you??
Felt F2/DuraAce/FSA/RS80s (DA7850 hubs)/Schwalbe Durano S
My hobby before cycling was flying aerobatic planes out of Bankstown airport. Now that was an expensive hobby. Aside from having to spend $$$ keeping charts, documentation & medicals updated, there was the $250p/h cost of the actual aircraft. To stay proficient you need to fly at least an hour a week, so $13,000 a year just on aircraft hire. That would buy a lot of cycling kit!
'11 Lynskey Cooper CX, '00 Hillbrick Steel Racing (Total Rebuild '10), '09 Electra Townie Original 21D
Did you also strip all of your former pleasures from your life because of your wife's intimidation of you? There must be very deep personality issues on both sides to enable this pleasure prohibition in your marriage. Do you interfere with any of her pleasures?
My wife is the exact opposite to yours. She actively encourages me to go for a ride because she knows that I love cycling. She never complains when I spend hours in my workshop working on bikes or when I go for long rides.
We try and encourage one another to enjoy our different pursuits.
How about we keep this thread for discussion of zep's house and not give ft any more grief.
Or someone can go and create a new thread discussing relative merits of relationships.
I ride, therefore I am.
...real cyclists don't have squeaky chains...
Is this the topic of the thread? Sorry if I misread the title.
Isn't that the topic of this thread?
I think the initial post and responses have probably been helpful in teasing out issues, but I agree further discussion is unlikely to be productive.
A counsellor will help by holding up a mirror to both parties and encourage them to face up to thinking and behaviours that are impacting each other, and whether some of the expectations of each party may have are realistic.
Mods, out of respect for the OP I think a lock on this thread would be appropriate.
We can start a new one for drooling over Zep's "garden" and cunning household adornments
"People have a right to their own opinions, but not their own facts. Evidence must be located, not created, and opinions not backed by evidence cannot be given much weight." -- James W Loewen
I believe it was, but I also think people are now slowly moving on from there (possibly hoping this thread would die???) due to ft_critical's updates. The first couple of posts by ft_critical don't really pose his wife in the best of lights and I think that was unintentional.
Locking is probably the best idea if ft_critical believes this thread has run its course.
Shame really. Relationship discussions strike a commonality in the hearts and minds of cyclists, just like anyone else.
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