3 Effective Ways to Disagree

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3 Effective Ways to Disagree

Postby AUbicycles » Wed Aug 07, 2013 10:38 am

While these forums are meant to be exactly that - forums to discuss and share ideas and views, it gets out of hand more often than I like. The vast majority of members 'get it' the actions so the comments of the small few really affect participation for the rest.


Chris Lema writes a software / business help blog and does a really good job at discussing positive participation - understanding that if you flip-out, people get upset and you end up looking bad. I am sharing this as it is particularly relevant and encourage you to read the entire store in the Chris Lema Blog.



Learning to Disagree without being Disagreeable

The next time you think about posting a comment on a blog, discussing things with your friends, or debating with someone you don’t know, here are three effective ways to disagree without being disagreeable.

1. Listen closely and stay on topic
It’s easy, when debating, to leave the topic and create a new topic as you go along. This is because staying on topic is difficult. It’s easier to randomly pick another angle to “shoot” from. Resist and pay close attention so that you’re adding to a discussion that someone might read over later and really appreciate.

2. Don’t repeat, and don’t go personal
Whatever you do, focus on the issue at hand, rather than attacking the person who you disagree with. Disagreements end, but if you’ve attacked a person, it’s likely the animosity between you two won’t.

Additionally, unless the person you’re disagreeing with has really short-term memory (like Memento), repeating yourself doesn’t help you. It just makes you look like someone who wasn’t listening.

3. Find and emphasize the places where you agree
No one wants to interact with someone who is not only a broken record but also unable to find things to agree on. It’s easy to be at odds with someone. It’s harder but more worth it when you can start by finding the points you do agree with and emphasize those. Then it’s only a few points of disagreement in a sea of agreement.
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by BNA » Wed Aug 07, 2013 11:09 am

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Re: 3 Effective Ways to Disagree

Postby The 2nd Womble » Wed Aug 07, 2013 11:09 am

I find this post disgusting and offensive.
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Re: 3 Effective Ways to Disagree

Postby Mulger bill » Wed Aug 07, 2013 11:16 am

Ratbag :P
...whatever the road rules, self-preservation is the absolute priority for a cyclist when mixing it with motorised traffic.
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Re: 3 Effective Ways to Disagree

Postby hannos » Wed Aug 07, 2013 11:20 am

The 2nd Womble wrote:I find this post disgusting and offensive.


I assume you mean your own post, else you would have said you find "the above post" disgusting?
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Re: 3 Effective Ways to Disagree

Postby The 2nd Womble » Wed Aug 07, 2013 11:25 am

I'm full of loathing and self hatred.
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Re: 3 Effective Ways to Disagree

Postby hannos » Wed Aug 07, 2013 12:00 pm

The 2nd Womble wrote:I'm full of loathing and self hatred.


Is that rhetoric or do I need to respond?
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Re: 3 Effective Ways to Disagree

Postby The 2nd Womble » Wed Aug 07, 2013 12:12 pm

hannos wrote:
The 2nd Womble wrote:I'm full of loathing and self hatred.


Is that rhetoric or do I need to respond?

I'd rather you didn't. You know how vile I can be outside of the forum.
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Re: 3 Effective Ways to Disagree

Postby hannos » Wed Aug 07, 2013 12:17 pm

The 2nd Womble wrote:
hannos wrote:
The 2nd Womble wrote:I'm full of loathing and self hatred.


Is that rhetoric or do I need to respond?

I'd rather you didn't. You know how vile I can be outside of the forum.


I also know how charming you can be!
:!:
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Re: 3 Effective Ways to Disagree

Postby DoogleDave » Wed Aug 07, 2013 12:20 pm

Good post AUbicycles!

I think it can sometimes be all too easy to type and hit the submit button before cooling down after reading somebody's strong reply and re-reading what you have typed prior to responding.

We are all here to share and learn from one another and unfortunately there will be those few that believe they are always correct and decide that their "written wrath" has merit and weight (because they know better).
Before long, this can snowball into a thread that is so far off-topic it becomes more about proving who is right or wrong and not about the discussion point at hand.

I think overall this is quite a pleasant forum to participate in and just like anything, the small minority can sometimes over-run the majority on occasion....but reminders like this will hopefully help!
The good job the mods do (mostly going un-noticed by the masses), should also be applauded and is key to the success of any forum.

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Re: 3 Effective Ways to Disagree

Postby Marto » Wed Aug 07, 2013 12:51 pm

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Re: 3 Effective Ways to Disagree

Postby AUbicycles » Wed Aug 07, 2013 2:01 pm

It would be pretty boring to always agree on everything - but will be elightening for some that a disagreement can be a fair result.
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Re: 3 Effective Ways to Disagree

Postby Nobody » Wed Aug 07, 2013 2:37 pm

Why is this under "Road Biking"?
Is this where most disagreements happen?
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Re: 3 Effective Ways to Disagree

Postby The 2nd Womble » Wed Aug 07, 2013 3:16 pm

What are you implying?!
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Re: 3 Effective Ways to Disagree

Postby bychosis » Wed Aug 07, 2013 3:19 pm

Is obvious, just look at the mainstream media. Lycra warriors are ruining it for all of us.
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Re: 3 Effective Ways to Disagree

Postby MichaelB » Wed Aug 07, 2013 3:24 pm

You forgot the 4th rule.

Don't mention Hitler !!!
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Re: 3 Effective Ways to Disagree

Postby Nobody » Wed Aug 07, 2013 3:25 pm

The 2nd Womble wrote:What are you implying?!

Well, Christopher could have put this in "Info / announcements" like most other comments like this. But maybe he thought that the main problems are here, so he placed it here to make sure it's more likely to be seen by the "usual offenders".

In the end, I'm just asking a question, but I assume you're inferring what I'm implying. :wink:
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Re: 3 Effective Ways to Disagree

Postby Nobody » Wed Aug 07, 2013 3:27 pm

MichaelB wrote:You forgot the 4th rule.

Don't mention Hitler !!!
Too late now then. :roll: :P
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Re: 3 Effective Ways to Disagree

Postby The 2nd Womble » Wed Aug 07, 2013 3:30 pm

Nobody wrote:
The 2nd Womble wrote:What are you implying?!

Well, Christopher could have put this in "Info / announcements" like most other comments like this. But maybe he thought that the main problems are here, so he placed it here to make sure it's more likely to be seen by the "usual offenders".

In the end, I'm just asking a question, but I assume you're inferring what I'm implying. :wink:

Troll!
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Re: 3 Effective Ways to Disagree

Postby gururug » Wed Aug 07, 2013 4:03 pm

Don't repeat..... hehehe ...... is this an end to brandfights!!! ? :)

Seriously tho, great guidance AU!
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Re: 3 Effective Ways to Disagree

Postby jules21 » Wed Aug 07, 2013 4:27 pm

i'm amazed at how some people can take offense at me for simply having a different opinion to them, especially when i'm right and they're wrong.
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Re: 3 Effective Ways to Disagree

Postby Leiothrix » Wed Aug 07, 2013 4:40 pm

Marto wrote:Image

I'll agree with that!
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Re: 3 Effective Ways to Disagree

Postby The 2nd Womble » Wed Aug 07, 2013 4:42 pm

jules21 wrote:i'm amazed at how some people can take offense at me for simply having a different opinion to them, especially when i'm right and they're wrong.

You're entitled to your delusion.
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Re: 3 Effective Ways to Disagree

Postby jules21 » Wed Aug 07, 2013 4:49 pm

The 2nd Womble wrote:
jules21 wrote:i'm amazed at how some people can take offense at me for simply having a different opinion to them, especially when i'm right and they're wrong.

You're entitled to your delusion.

no really, i'm always right :lol:
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Re: 3 Effective Ways to Disagree

Postby Xplora » Wed Aug 07, 2013 5:05 pm

MichaelB wrote:You forgot the 4th rule.

Don't mention Hitler !!!

Invoking Godwin's Law is worse than transgressing it :mrgreen:
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Re: 3 Effective Ways to Disagree

Postby Mulger bill » Wed Aug 07, 2013 5:33 pm

jules21 wrote:
The 2nd Womble wrote:
jules21 wrote:i'm amazed at how some people can take offense at me for simply having a different opinion to them, especially when i'm right and they're wrong.

You're entitled to your delusion.

no really, i'm always right :lol:



No you're not. F7 on offence :P
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