how do you hide your purchases from your partner?

[HappyHumber]

My strategy is to have that much crap to begin with - any potential partner is scared off well early

[Xplora]

you can't let them whip you too much

Jules, you've started a thread called "how to you hide your purchases" - I think you'd have some red marks under those knicks for SURE

WHUPCHAHHHHH

[jules21]

only from when i get caught, xplora

[blossy84]

I cant be bothered with deception, I just go with the truth. I save my space cash for what ever I want, as long as the bills are paid we spend our spare cash as we see fit. She buys trashy tv mags 20 sets of baby clothes all the same and clothes for herself, I buy what ever I need or want at the time. We might be a bit different with our finances, we have our own separate savings accounts but there is never any arguments or questions if its our own cash!

Bill

+1 Spot on. We've been married for 25 years and have always had mine, hers and ours savings accounts as well as a central bill account. Based on our different earnings different amounts go into each. What is left in our own accounts, we spend as we see fit. Works for us, removes the need for lying, cunning kits etc.

That's great to hear! As a female (me), who has her OWN financial goals its good to see relationships can work well when each other has their OWN money.

My husband and I have seperate accounts (but joint savings account) and like Bill said, what's left over in our accounts we can do with it whatever we want. I spend more though as I want to spend of my cycling, massages, girly things, clothes...so much I want. hehe

[MarkG]

Get everything posted to work, sneak it in while she's still at work, then destroy the packaging

[Marty Moose]

We do a similar thing couple of accounts one for our wages, her house keeping,clothes,and medical, one for bills and our own savings accounts that a set amount goes into each week .This is our play money to do with what ever we please. All done on a spread sheet I find this stops waste and allows for new toys as its all up front for both of us to see.

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[cjrich]

My wife is an accountant so if I don't "discretely" purchase, I don't ride.

She has no problem with safety related purchases, so that new groupset is because the old one is becoming unsafe

I also get my purchases sent to my office, more for convenience that anything else.

If she finds out or I fess up it's usually negotiated by a nice dinner at a classy restaurant, at my expense of course.

I live by the old rule of "forgiveness is easier than permission".

[jules21]

She has no problem with safety related purchases, so that new groupset is because the old one is becoming unsafe

exactly - brake pads have a finite lifespan

[queequeg]

I cant be bothered with deception, I just go with the truth. I save my space cash for what ever I want, as long as the bills are paid we spend our spare cash as we see fit. She buys trashy tv mags 20 sets of baby clothes all the same and clothes for herself, I buy what ever I need or want at the time. We might be a bit different with our finances, we have our own separate savings accounts but there is never any arguments or questions if its our own cash!

Bill

+1 Spot on. We've been married for 25 years and have always had mine, hers and ours savings accounts as well as a central bill account. Based on our different earnings different amounts go into each. What is left in our own accounts, we spend as we see fit. Works for us, removes the need for lying, cunning kits etc.

I am only coming up to 5 years (though we will have been together for 10). The big problem is that we are a single income family. My wife has no income, except what she gets from me. To avoid any "issues" with her spending money on "stuff", I provide her with a monthly "I don't care what you do with it" fund. She can then spend that without involving me, and I don't have to worry about it.

Problem this year is budgeting. She wants to do certain things that cost a fair bit of money. For example, she wants to put Child #1 into Day Care 1 day a week. I said that is fine, but you need to find the $400 per month to do it. As she does not currently work or study, we get no childcare rebates, and we don't qualify for the means tested benefits. She does not have the faintest idea how much it costs to run the household, and has shown zero interest in financial matters. That means I am the one earning all the income and paying all the bills. This year I am cutting my "eat at work budget" by at least 50%, and aiming to reduce to the "eating out and takeaway" at home by 75%.
I am not sure how it is going to go when I say "this is what you have to spend per month". We've been going backwards a bit and eaten into our reserve funds due to moving house, so we need to build that back up again, and also pay off as much of the mortgage as we can in the next couple of years (60% of net income going on mortgage). I look forward to when my wife starts working again. After 9 years of a single income I am ready for someone else to take on some of the financial burden.

As for the bike stuff, I have been pretty lean this year. Other than the new bike I have only purchased consumable items like chains/brake pads. I have nout purchased any new clothes in 2011, but to start off 2012 I have managed to acquire a full cycling kit (Bib Knicks, Jersey, Socks, Hat) through work for free (work branded kit). I offloaded all my 9-Speed spare parts when I sold the Hybrid bike. The new bike should last a lifetime (I broke two Hybrids in two years!).

[jules21]

queequeg, i started this thread as a bit of a laugh, tongue-in-cheek. my partner and i have a lot of trust, which is why it's funny (for me) to sneak bike stuff past her.

but you need to get on that. we're about to get married and have a joint account. to manage that, we've agreed to draw up a budget, with his-and-hers discretional funds. mismanaged finances between couples is a significant cause of relationship problems - i'd recommend you be proactive on that and have some tough conversations if that's what it takes, as they'll come anyway if you let it go.

[Ken Ho]

My wife and I have come to the firm realization, that while financial responsibility works well for other people, it does not really work well for us.
We do much better with financial recklessness, and as such, we buy whatever we can afford. The credit card gets a fair old reaming at times, though always seems to recover.
We also have a rule that if it's fitness related, it's allowed, no questions asked. We are as bad as each other, and never go shopping on a Saturday morning, because that's when things really get interesting.
She bought me new stuff for Xmas, like carbon wheels and a trainer, and found me some mad jerseys on line last year.
It's nice for partners to support hobbies.

[Marty Moose]

Yes sounds good Ken but you must have budget to be able to do that its great you do.

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[PawPaw]

as we're getting married soon, has anyone got any further tips/tricks i can take on board?

Tell her your mates who don't cycle have hoon cars and fishing boats = $25k-50k up front and $3k pa.
Your hobby costs $5k upfront and $1.5k pa, and saves you $3k pa in future medical bills.
Then tell her what you save on hoon cars and fishing, you'll spend on paying down the mortgage and taking her on hols.

[ruscook]

don't take this the wrong way, i admire your integrity, but it's fun having a bit of drama with the missus and seeing what you can sneak through. you've gotta live dangerously a bit, you can't let them whip you too much

Don't see anything about being whipped in being open about what I spend my money on. The same applies to the wife.

If you're both aware you're doing this and enjoy it fair enough, but I'd hate for it to build resentment between you two, especially if times got tough.

[Releng]

I always work on a business financial approval process:
First up I get pre purchase approval, including disclosing of all projected cost including any contingencies up front.
Once I have preliminary purchase approval I move into the negotiation phase and get firm prices and follow up with an expenditure application, including cost benefit analysis. If this results in Capital approval I then proceed with the budgeting process and schedule in the expenditure when the funds liquidity allows.
This process seems to keep the Financial controller happy. And that is the main thing.

After all whats mine is ours, whats ours is hers and whats hers is hers as well.

[queequeg]

queequeg, i started this thread as a bit of a laugh, tongue-in-cheek. my partner and i have a lot of trust, which is why it's funny (for me) to sneak bike stuff past her.

but you need to get on that. we're about to get married and have a joint account. to manage that, we've agreed to draw up a budget, with his-and-hers discretional funds. mismanaged finances between couples is a significant cause of relationship problems - i'd recommend you be proactive on that and have some tough conversations if that's what it takes, as they'll come anyway if you let it go.

Oh, we have plenty of trust...she trusts that I earn enough money to pay for everything. Before we moved, I was the sole owner of the house because we were not together when I bought it. She made no financial contributions to that house (and was not capable of making any because she has no income). With Child #2 coming along, we needed to move from the small apartment and into a house. This time everything is in joint names, joint accounts. Since she had no income, it actually meant the bank would lend us less to have her name on the documents, even though I am making all the payments on my own either way.

So, for the last six months we have had all the new house and new baby expenses to deal with. That was ok because I left a lot of money in the budget for this kind of stuff. However, the party is over now and I told her we must do a budget because she has grand plans and just expects that the money is there. I said it is fine to have plans, but first you need to budget for them, and need to track that budget. I guess with me, I spend just about everything on bike stuff. I don't buy clothes, I don't buy shoes, I don't buy DVDs or CDs, Books, Magazines or anything like that. Most of my expenses are food and bikes, so there is not much to cut.

[Mugglechops]

Get everything posted to work, sneak it in while she's still at work, then destroy the packaging

Hey, that's my scam

[Mulger bill]

Once all the bills are paid and anything else is covered, what's left goes into a slush fund. Anything paid for from there needs no discussion.
Anything bigger, typically a new bike is discussed. It usually goes : "Dear, I need/want a new blah blah because yada yada." "OK then."

[Ken Ho]

Yes sounds good Ken but you must have budget to be able to do that its great you do.

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We only buy what we can afford, as I said, not everything we want. If we can afford it, we don't give each other grief over it, is my point.
We've tried being "conventional" with money and investing and stuff, but it never makes our life better. We've found buying stuff we want to have fun with is q much better investment in ourselves and our health.
No kids, I might add.

[liamb]

deception with money ruins far too many relationships. My wife is extreamly careful with her money and I am a little more keen to save lots and spend a bit especially if it make me fitter for my sons and wife.
At a very early point in the relationship I told her it wont work having a combined account so we maintained separate account. We still have discussions about money but never "WHAT the F did you buy" but more like man the bills never seem to be easy.

Watched my best man at my wedding try to hide "toys" from his other half for years and watch the relationship fall apart. None of it was huge but it was always argument causing and amounts to deception.

don't take this the wrong way, i admire your integrity, but it's fun having a bit of drama with the missus and seeing what you can sneak through. you've gotta live dangerously a bit, you can't let them whip you too much

Jules I think if you want some "fun Drama" watch home and away or Days of our lives. I can think of a million things better than stiring up my wife over money and deception.

Bill

[MikeyD360]

I'm so entertained and relieved that I am not the only husband in the world who feels the need to hide purchases.

I also had a chuckle at the "my greatest fear is my wife selling all my gear for what I told her I paid for it" soooo true

My wife tends to have a bit of a psychic streak (or a private investigator following me) so much so that after I bought my Garmin Edge 500, when I offered to tell her about my day she said "you bought that computer thingie for your bike didn't you"... I was sprung!

But ultimately I found that trying to hide purchases altogether does create problems with trust and arguments, so the easiest, safest and least guilty way of sneaking it through is to:

a) buy item at $500rrp
b) bring it home, present it to the missus
c) make a point of how you saved so much money because it was on sale for only $150
d) PROFIT???
e) hope she never gets wise and calls the shop to price check.

This has worked flawlessly for me for a while now, particularly with bikes & parts, PS3 games, new bits for the PC. Every now and then it's even true, which always feels nice.

[jasonc]

My wife is an accountant so if I don't "discretely" purchase, I don't ride.

my wife is an accountant. I tell her about all the purchases as we share 1 bank account and 1 ccard and I'm not really the cash carrying kind of bloke. Heck - I even get her to do some of my purchasing for me
my bike is my car so most of it gets easily accepted. i just don't let her add up everything I've spent in the last 12 months - I did and it was scary.

[Oxford]

when I worked from home it was easy, deliveries while she was not there, plenty of bikes so easy to hide gear and purchases made through the bank account and credit card I used for my business (not strictly a business account as such). but anything big I always discussed with her as it was easier to explain. my wife has a hobby and we allow each other to indulge, though usually she makes money with her hobby (buying/selling antiques), bikes tend to depreciate.

[MikeyD360]

I am only coming up to 5 years (though we will have been together for 10). The big problem is that we are a single income family. My wife has no income, except what she gets from me. To avoid any "issues" with her spending money on "stuff", I provide her with a monthly "I don't care what you do with it" fund. She can then spend that without involving me, and I don't have to worry about it.

Problem this year is budgeting. She wants to do certain things that cost a fair bit of money. For example, she wants to put Child #1 into Day Care 1 day a week. I said that is fine, but you need to find the $400 per month to do it. As she does not currently work or study, we get no childcare rebates, and we don't qualify for the means tested benefits. She does not have the faintest idea how much it costs to run the household, and has shown zero interest in financial matters. That means I am the one earning all the income and paying all the bills. This year I am cutting my "eat at work budget" by at least 50%, and aiming to reduce to the "eating out and takeaway" at home by 75%.
I am not sure how it is going to go when I say "this is what you have to spend per month". We've been going backwards a bit and eaten into our reserve funds due to moving house, so we need to build that back up again, and also pay off as much of the mortgage as we can in the next couple of years (60% of net income going on mortgage). I look forward to when my wife starts working again. After 9 years of a single income I am ready for someone else to take on some of the financial burden.

Change of subject slightly, but with no work or study - if my partner came to me for $400/month to put a child into daycare my response would be "toughen up princess"
That said, I'm a selfish and insensitive man, so if you want to stay married, don't take my advice

[munga]

my wife uses my ebay account, so nothing to hide there..
also, she says i'm at my best when tinkering with my bikes, so she approves.


ps: daycare is good for the child, so it's also an investment.