To sell or ride again after partner's death?

[redlong]

Hi,

I'm kinda testing out the waters here.

My partner passed away and left me with her spectacular bike. It's a Portobello Whyte, hardly ridden.

I used to ride a lot, commuting and for fun, but haven't for years (apart from some commuting short distances). I was planning an across-Australia group ride when I was at my peak fitness about 10 years ago. But, I've also only ever ridden very average bikes that I've never been particularly attached to or worried about.

Perhaps a cycling forum isn't the right place to ask this ... I don't know whether to sell or start riding again. I tend to prefer more upright bars and something a bit more rugged, less attractive, less valuable. I could do with the money but I also know I will never buy a bike of this quality for myself. The bike is also connected with a lot of sadness for me.

Sometimes it's hard to see the big picture. Any thoughts? Thanks

[caneye]

Riding can be a cathartic experience

[P!N20]

Steel, alloy, carbon fibre - inanimate materials, yet we treat our bikes like good friends or members of the family. They make us proud when they deliver us to our destination, we treat them with new parts or a service, we miss them when forced apart, we grieve when they are stolen. Ride it. Spend some time together; unhurried, relaxed. You may discover something you didn't know about your partner. If you decide to sell it that's OK, but at least have that time together.

I hope when I leave this planet somebody takes the time to get to know me via my bikes.

[LateStarter]

You need to talk to someone you trust and respect and not some bunch of highly opinionated anonymous bloggers but for what it is worth if the bike will cause you mixed memories / emotions and maybe wont be suitable I would sell it and get yourself something you find more suitable and then ride a lot. I started quite late after a troubled time and reckon it has kept me sane. Hope it goes well for you.

[Derny Driver]

redsonic first of all, I am really saddened to hear about losing your partner. Thats a very tough thing to deal with. As caneye said, riding or exercising is a great thing to do to help stave off the down times.
I would keep the bike for a while. Sure its just a bike. When my dad was alive he had lots of bikes which I never really took much interest in. Now he is gone I am really hanging on to them for sentimental reasons. I'm even trying to find and buy back some of his old bikes he gave away. Hang on to yours for a while. You may become more attached to it as time goes on and want to keep it. Or you may become less attached and move it on, which may help you move on too.
Don't rush the decision.
All the best mate.

[AdelaidePeter]

I'm sorry for your loss

I haven't experienced this directly but I have dealt with a number of close family deaths in the last couple of years (father in law, brother in law, stepfather) and the aftermath of dealing with their possessions. Perhaps my suggestion is coloured by the fact that these were all older people who left behind a lot of possessions, but here goes...

My suggestion is to get a more suitable bike. I don't really see the point of riding a bike which doesn't suit you. Certainly don't feel guilty for selling it.

I'd also consider selling / giving it to a relative or friend. I'm sure your late partner would approve as long as the bike was used.

[queequeg]

Firstly, I am sorry for your loss, and I can understand how seeing the bike sitting there can be a constant reminder of that loss.

Whether to keep it or sell it a personal choice. If it only brings you sadness, rather than remembering the joyful times your partner had with it, then I would certainly look at moving it along to someone who will appreciate it, but won't have the emotional attachment to it.

At the same time, I would then take the money from the proceeds and get yourself a bike that suits you, and can bring you some happiness. Your partner can then live on in your memories whilst you ride that bike.

My grandmother passed away last year and left me a small amount of money. It was a large enough amount that I could have used it to pay some bills, or make an extra payment on the mortgage or something, but I didn't think this was really a befitting purpose. I didn't want that money to just become some meaningless bill payment. So, what I elected to do instead was to combine it with my love of riding, and as she was British, I decided that I would use the money to buy a British Titanium bicycle frameset that I could build up. I can at least point at something and tell my kids where it came from, and it holds some meaning to me as her memory is then permanently attached to that frame, and in a way she is then riding with me wherever I go.

[g-boaf]

Hi,

I'm kinda testing out the waters here.

My partner passed away and left me with her spectacular bike. It's a Portobello Whyte, hardly ridden.

I used to ride a lot, commuting and for fun, but haven't for years (apart from some commuting short distances). I was planning an across-Australia group ride when I was at my peak fitness about 10 years ago. But, I've also only ever ridden very average bikes that I've never been particularly attached to or worried about.

Perhaps a cycling forum isn't the right place to ask this ... I don't know whether to sell or start riding again. I tend to prefer more upright bars and something a bit more rugged, less attractive, less valuable. I could do with the money but I also know I will never buy a bike of this quality for myself. The bike is also connected with a lot of sadness for me.

Sometimes it's hard to see the big picture. Any thoughts? Thanks

Sorry for your loss.

I wouldn't sell the bike. Even if it is connected with sadness. Try to think of positive things related to the bike and your partner, good memories. The sadness will be there, but selling it IMO is something you might regret later on.

Keep riding too. Especially ride with other people.

[RonK]

redsonic first of all, I am really saddened to hear about losing your partner.

Ahem - redsonic has not lost his partner, this post is by redlong, a new member on the forum.

[10speedsemiracer]

You need to talk to someone you trust and respect and not some bunch of highly opinionated anonymous bloggers but for what it is worth if the bike will cause you mixed memories / emotions and maybe wont be suitable I would sell it and get yourself something you find more suitable and then ride a lot. I started quite late after a troubled time and reckon it has kept me sane. Hope it goes well for you.

LateStarter is exactly right, there is no-one here close enough to your context to be in a position to advise or counsel.

I am, however, very sorry for your loss.

If the grief-management process is causing you issues, I would very strongly recommend you find a Counselor close to you who is experienced in grief/loss counseling. That being said, I think most here understand the connection you have to the bike in question, as it isn't a bike but rather it's her bike and is representative of something you enjoyed together.

[Derny Driver]

redsonic first of all, I am really saddened to hear about losing your partner.

Ahem - redsonic has not lost his partner, this post is by redlong, a new member on the forum.

How did I do that? My apologies. I did realise it was a new member. Sorry.

[BugsBunny]

@redlong

Sorry to hear of your partners passing.

I think it would be a wonderful thing for you to be her continuation by riding her old bike. I say go for it!

[redlong]

Wow, thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful responses everyone. Your thoughts, advice and personal stories have helped me more than you can know.

It's actually turned out to be perfect that you don't know her or me because then you can't tailor your answers to what you think would suit either one of us.

Losing her has been one of the two hardest things I've had to deal with in life. Counselling is helping. I definitely recommend finding a good counsellor for life's difficult times. The bike has just been one of those things that keeps coming up.

As I said, your replies have been so helpful. I now have a plan. I'm going to ride the bike, see if I can get to know her, it and me through the experience, and also find people to ride with (usually a bit of a loner). I forgot how often I used to say that riding kept me sane. Even if the bike isn't right for me and I sell for something more "me" in the future, I'll still have the gift of these experiences.

Again, thanks. You've made my day.

[find_bruce]

As I said, your replies have been so helpful. I now have a plan. I'm going to ride the bike, see if I can get to know her, it and me through the experience, and also find people to ride with (usually a bit of a loner). I forgot how often I used to say that riding kept me sane. Even if the bike isn't right for me and I sell for something more "me" in the future, I'll still have the gift of these experiences.

If you are in Sydney I would be happy to ride with you. If you are elsewhere in Oz I am sure we can rustle up some people to ride with.

[redlong]

If you are in Sydney I would be happy to ride with you. If you are elsewhere in Oz I am sure we can rustle up some people to ride with.

Thanks find_bruce for your kind offer. Just more BNA awesomeness. And making the plan real!

I'm based in Adelaide. My fitness is not what it used to be, so I think I'll start with a few lone rides - unless there are any locals who are starting out or won't be annoyed by slow / short rides while I find my chops again?

I see there's an SA forum and a few social rides... Something to check out there, too.

[V17L]

Hi Redlong,
Sad for your loss. My dad passed away in 2014 and left a small amount to me. I purchaed a bicycle with the small amount. My family know it was from Dad and will comment on it when we discuss the bike. It brings back good memories.

Re riding in Adelaide i found this on the net http://uncoolcyclingclub.com/events/
I posted a comment about the ride in Alice.
I liked the idea that they were a bunch that rode bikes not a club ride in a peloton, but rather a bunge to ride with and get out of the house. Don't know if they are active at the moment or if you are up towards gawler but at least you can read about them.
Cheers
Stevet
Alice Springs
(my family are all from Adelaide)

[redlong]

Thanks for your kind words and sharing your experience, Stevet. The link, too - the Uncool Cycling Club looks great. I'll look further into them. Hoping they're active!

Thanks again to everyone else. We can't go through this life without experiencing some loss and grief, and other difficult times. I hope everyone's hearts are well or healing. I'm getting my partner's bike serviced this week and will hopefully be out and about next weekend with a new perspective.