Great Commuting Come Backs

[trailgumby]

Riding home one night, a couple of lads in a shitebox gemini tried egging me, missed, and kept going. I flexxed after them and sure enough they got a red light (there is a slight bend in road, obscuring their view back down the road...anzac hwy and morphett rd) was thinking of the old water bottle/pistol, but they saw me round the bend doing 50ish and floored it through the red light around the corner....right in front of officer plod!!! i stopped and told the cop what was up, pointing out the 3 doz eggs,open, on rear seat. also pointed out the bald tyres and busted taillight. Cop said" guess you lads might be back on the bmx bikes,too "
gold.

Ah, you made my evening. Thankyou.

[adam81]

About 2kms from home riding in a 50 zone I had a ute and a excel behind me. The ute was happy to wait till after the roundabout to pass me the woman in the excel wasn't because she was honking the Ute. after the roundabout she speeds past honking no big deal I didn't bother reacting. So I lost sight of her till I got 3 houses from home and there she is in her garage. I rode past without saying anything and went into my garage at which time she comes over and starts shouting at me about how she could of run me over, how I shouldn't of been on the road because I don't have rego etc. At about that time I'd had enough I used some very choice descriptions about her she continued to have a go so I just kept going till she scurried back into her garage. It must of dawned on her that she broke the first rule of road rage, remain anonymous.

[colafreak]

Never ever ever ever get angry. It never gives you the moral victory, often leaves you looking like a pratt and may get your head kicked in.

The "do you feel embarrassed now?" was the best one I've read so far. If given the chance to give an exchange, my preference would be to jokingly ask if the aggressor requires a hug and advising them that like bears, cyclists are more scared of them than they are of us.


The best one I've ever heard though was when a few teenagers flashed their privates at us and some young girls walking towards them in Surfers Paradise early one Sunday morning. My fellow cyclist asked them if they were selling peanuts. The girls pissed themselves laughing.

[smeg]

a good habit to get into is to carry 2 water bottles, 1 obviously to quench your thirst, the second one is for piss, when some one upsets you, give them a squirt, preferably through open window onto clothing or better still the cars interior, takes forever to get the smell out just don't confuse the 2 after a big effort!

[not4resale]

Haven't been lucky enough to cop any road rage on the pushie yet but my moment of glory of motorcycling was when I was cruising in the middle land, there was an unmarked cop to my right and a bloke with the phone pressed up to his ear undertook me within a metre and booted it up the inside lane...

I signalled the cop that the bloke was on the phone and watched gleefully as he was pulled over.

Still hoping to avoid peeving off drivers for as long as possible because i feel alot more vunerable on the bicycle than i ever did on the motorbike... Although i've found that i tend not to ride the moto these days as often because i can't seem to justify travelling without getting exercise...

[RobRollin]

I've been sitting at work, wanting a pick me up and read this thread, some of these responses are GOLD!!

For my part:

Riding through Ashfield in NSW, I was on the far left of the road travelling to Burwood. A driver of questionable ability thought she could squeeze between me and a vehicle turning right. I did see her and knew she was going to hit me, I was already riding in the gutter, not wanting to fall I lent into her as she hit me, my bar end gripping into her duco making silver streaks down her car and readjusting her mirror so it was pointing downwards at an odd angle. I looked at her through the window and waved while she apologised. She didnt mind hitting me but when she realised her car was coming off second best she aplogised. I kept on riding smiling to myself.

[ad91on]

Haven't been lucky enough to cop any road rage on the pushie yet but my moment of glory of motorcycling was when I was cruising in the middle land, there was an unmarked cop to my right and a bloke with the phone pressed up to his ear undertook me within a metre and booted it up the inside lane...

I signalled the cop that the bloke was on the phone and watched gleefully as he was pulled over.

Still hoping to avoid peeving off drivers for as long as possible because i feel alot more vunerable on the bicycle than i ever did on the motorbike... Although i've found that i tend not to ride the moto these days as often because i can't seem to justify travelling without getting exercise...

...not4resale from netrider? I recognise that story.

My favourite one i did a little while ago:

Was riding along in the doorzone as i had the choice of doors and a looming semi. Some tosser steps out with his latte without looking and nearly runs into me. Nothing happens, i shake it off and keep on riding. I was turning right about 100m down the road.

So I'm sitting in the middle of the road waiting to turn right when this !! BAN ME NOW FOR SWEARING !! comes up in his merc c-class heap of crap, mouthing off like "Why are you riding so close to cars you nearly hit me you d!ckhead!"

I reply with, and with gestures enforcing my words: "YOU need to LEARN to LOOK before you step out into a ROAD WAY you f%$#ing !! BAN ME NOW FOR SWEARING !!!"
He continues to mouth off at which i just blasted my zounds air horn at him for about 10 seconds yelling at how i had his number plate and was going to report him for abusing a cyclist.

Felt pretty good afterwards. Probably got a bit fired up but how DARE he have the animosity to blame me for his ineptitude!!!

To that end, i didnt actually have his plate number, and he was holding up traffic as he had stopped without any indication at all in the middle of an intersection so i could have got him for general being a tosser.

Definately recommend an air horn in these situations.

[msn]

Definately recommend an air horn in these situations.

Hmmmm, probably just wasting your air. Reckon the sound would have just echoed in the vacant space between his ears.

Month or so back, under the cover of darkness, on the way home through Parramatta Park the Ayups pick up an SNC (stealth ninja cyclist) in the cycle lane.
Google maps linky to set the story - check the white marks on the road.

Me: when passing "Mate, your bike lights aren't working".
SNC: (on a training run and dressed in black of course) "But I'm not riding a bike".
Me: continue riding and no need for any further comment. Oh and his mate is a bit further down on his "bike" too

[ad91on]

[quote="msn"
Me: when passing "Mate, your bike lights aren't working".
SNC: (on a training run and dressed in black of course) "But I'm not riding a bike".
Me: continue riding and no need for any further comment. Oh and his mate is a bit further down on his "bike" too[/quote]

Wow, i wish i had a ninja bike... then no one could abuse me because i'm not actually there or riding a bike!

[not4resale]

...not4resale from netrider? I recognise that story.

I'm famous!!!

Good story mate, gave me a good chuckle. Do you have the same nickname on NR?

[ad91on]

I'd hardly calll it a nickname, not many people i know call me "ad91on" but yes, it's the same.

Yeah you're an internet celebrity, can i be a groupie?

[not4resale]

I'd hardly calll it a nickname, not many people i know call me "ad91on" but yes, it's the same.

Yeah you're an internet celebrity, can i be a groupie?

I don't think i'm cut out to be an internet superstar.

I think i remember seeing your name pop up actually, I've noticed that its easier to remember people by their avatars opposed to their nicks though. Hence why I have not put one up on this site as I'm quite a n00b cyclist and don't want to be remembered as "the guy that knows nothing about what we do"

[m@]

I've noticed that its easier to remember people by their avatars opposed to their nicks though.

Same - really throws me when people change 'em!

[brookts]

A smile and a wave seems to work best. Apparently there's nothing as infuriating as a happy cyclist.

I completely agree! Of course there is always THIS method that fails...

(would post the picture but i dont have 10 posts yet.

[not4resale]

Same - really throws me when people change 'em!

Unfortunately however I have a very easy to remember nick that I use everywhere!

Bah i should throw caution to the wind and chuck in an avatar! I'm sure you lot already all hate me anyway!

[Aushiker]

I've noticed that its easier to remember people by their avatars opposed to their nicks though.

Same - really throws me when people change 'em!

Agree, but find it worse on Twitter for some reason.

Andrew

[ad91on]

I completely agree! Of course there is always THIS method that fails...

(would post the picture but i dont have 10 posts yet.

HELL YES!!!

Now they need to make a set that works for drops and i'm a customer!!

[Dial]

a good habit to get into is to carry 2 water bottles, 1 obviously to quench your thirst, the second one is for piss, when some one upsets you, give them a squirt, preferably through open window onto clothing or better still the cars interior, takes forever to get the smell out just don't confuse the 2 after a big effort!

I don't commute far enough but love your work all the same. Classic

[GingaNinja]

In the kitchen at work, when the Mercede's driving Admin starts saying how annoyed she was having to slow down behind two cyclists on her drive into work.
When I asked where this was, she said on the back roads down by the river because it is faster as it is relatively car free . I said well that is exactly why the cyclists are there because it is quieter and car free. Would you prefer we were cycling on the main roads? No, and they are not going to endanger the pedestrians and kids on the way to school by riding on the busy PSP at peak ped hour. And driving on the road, two abreast is legal so they weren't doing anything wrong. I then followed this by saying, well you live down by the river right (massage the ego), well wouldn't you like your road and walkways to be quiet and safe enough for kids and others to walk/cycle down it rather than be a thoroughfare for drivers? The response, 'well yes' then 'well I didn't know the W.A. road rules that applied to cycling" . So I sent them to her as a link! Maybe from this informed position she can rethink tailgating and speeding past cyclists in the back streets in the future.

Pet peeve is the driver that speeds past you when you (on your cycle) are just on the 50kmph speed limit, only to have to apply the brakes cos the car need to drop to 20kmph to get through the round about
A big 'hats off' to those drivers that sit a respectively distance behind me to allow me to get through the traffic calming (narrowed speed humps, roundabouts, shicains....) devices, they are rewarded with a head nod, and moving far left to allow them to pass.

Craziest thing I have seen is being a group ride, and entering a Shicain with a car pushing/sweening in splitting the group in two . Unbelievable. Have now seen the more senior riders move to the back of the group and onto the road to stop this from happening again at these spots.

[Rhubarb]

some of these are great !!!

I had my own little victory a couple of weeks ago. Riding in to work, I was about 6 back in a line of bikes in the designated cycle lane on the shoulder of the road, when a car veered right over and close to the lead cyclist and screamed something at him in an attempt to scare the !! BAN ME NOW FOR SWEARING !! out of him. Fortunately the guy didn't stack but did wobble a bit. This happened to me a few months ago and nearly made me stack it. So this time, I was able to get his number plate, as well as a good look and description of the tattoos on the passengers arm who hung out the window and nearly hit this guy as well as screaming at him, then looking back laughing at him. So a quick call to Mr Plod when I got into work and got a really good cop who just happened to be a cyclist too and this had happened to him a couple of years earlier too. So when he calls me back, he said the guy denied yelling but crapped himself when the copper told him the complaint was going to remain on record etc and would be pursued if they ever received any further complaints again. the guy apparently asked how they could prove anything, and the copper told them it was my word against his but the accurate description of his car, the passengers tattoo etc, was going to go against him if it happened again. The guy got off the phone and then called the cop back 2 minutes later to ask what would happen if it happened again, what the actual charge would be, and how is he responsible for his passengers etc. At which point the copper explained that the witness saw the vehicle swerve towards the cyclist. The guys defence then was that he was still within the car lane and was prepared to sign a stat dec to say he didn't cross it. The cop of course took all of this down in notes, keeping the pressure on about it still being an offence etc, when the guy broke down, explaining he could be thrown out of his uni course if formally charged etc. So at this point the cop thanked him for his honesty, and ran him through the potential consequences of charges that could have arose had the guy stacked it, gone under his car etc. the cop reiterated with a warning that it has only been recorded at the station and that no further proceedings would take place unless he received another complaint. The guy apologised to the cop and offered to apologise to me (even though I was only a witness).

So I ended with a much better result than I had planned. Even the cop said he enjoyed making the guy squirm, but in the end actually felt sorry for the guy especially after his virtual admission. I doubt he'll ever do it again.

[Ozchuck]

Oh man, that sounds like such an awesome comeback.
I'm considering the old "grab keys and throw into park" technique.

[just4tehhalibut]

A few things from this thread:
* the keys in the bar ends are a funny idea for the moving metal boxes (it's the thought that counts) but not for fellow cyclists on our narrow bike paths.

* a smile back to an aggro or gesticulating driver isn't nearly as effective as blowing them a kiss (peace and love, brother).

* if you occasionally have to bail up a carload of youths who thought it fun to abuse you or even take a swipe at you then turn them on each other. Unless they all set out at the start to do what the one passenger just did to you, unless they are all prepared to face up to you or (better) the consequences of the law, unless they all wanted this one unnecessary confrontation to ruin what was probably supposed to be just a fun night of cruising around with the mates, you get the picture. Four youths in a car is four brains with four different reactions, levels of sanity or intoxication, morality, character fibre, fear factor .... something that sets each apart and can break up the gang, turn them against each other with the right words like "so did you really want to get your mates in trouble by attacking a total stranger?". I've pissed off the culprit with a righteous lecture on being courteous, had his mates drag him away to avoid further trouble with the stranger on the bike, had their moods all messed up from the happy happy they started out with and they don't notice anymore that I was on a bike, only that I stood up to them. I've had other times when the culprit is told by mates that it was all his fault, he caused it. The right message. And always we part by my saying "have a nice day". Doesn't happen as often as it used to around here. (stranger danger).

* I've been abused on some backroad while out touring on a fully-loaded trike. Lots of windy roads, river valleys and heat. Got abused by the same car a while later as they pulled out of some surfing point onto the same road. Some time later, after 40km of hills and ripping down a hill at 50km+ into a town the same people cheered me into town. I got some respect.
Some of the people who abuse you may eventually get used to seeing you every day or so on the way to work, and you become part of the interest on the commute, no longer something to abuse. They learn to live with you or find something else to get interested in venting at. Not saying that they'll grow to love you, just that people have a tendency to fight change and you will eventually become a part of their day, their commuting ritual after a while and no longer on the radar. (heritage listed).

In WA they have or are bringing in laws to combat the people who throw rocks from overpasses, I'm not sure but the same laws might also apply to cyclists who use their bidons as projectiles or squirt water. And reaching in to remove the car keys could be dangerous and approaching assault. There's a law out there somewhere for these and besides, best to be above all that sort of hijinx. Mess with their brains, it's more fun. ("nobody ever expects the Spanish Inquisition").

[swaz]

Traveling to work at about 6am one morning a tool in a ute decided to see how close they could get to me whilst I was in the bike lane and the passenger had something really witty and intelligent to say that I missed as they were doing 60km/h+

I am just assuming they have some sort of intelligence because they worked for a local company and was driving a company ute... obviously a highly developed cave man.

The plot thickens though as I was about to drop a few grand with this company for a carport... so I sent them an email explaining what happened and how I wont be using them now or ever again and made sure to CC my builder mates.

I got an email back apologizing for their 'apprentices' mistake.

Oh and they also lost out on a few hundred grands worth of business in this whole school building thing.

[philip]

haha that's a great one swaz

[m@]

Those apprentices...

I got the same line when the kitchen staff at the restaurant we had just left did a burnout in the car park and almost took us out. Unfortunately in that case we had already parted with the cash, but Hobart is a small place and I like to think my campaign against them played a part in them going to the wall