Fairy tales do come true...

[CoffsGal]

Once upon a time in a magical land...
Princess Lycra was riding her enchanted bicycle through her kingdom in the early morning light as she oft did, with her magic AyUps spreading goodness and light on all before her, when all of a sudden, out of nowhere, appeared the evil newspaper delivery man (ENDM), swerving across the yellow brick road from this side to that side, dispatching his logs of tabloid diatribe into the gardens of the poor simple villagers.

Even though the ENDM saw the beautiful Princess Lycra heading towards him, he guided his carriage of evil directly across her path to satisfy his dastardly desires of newspaper ejection. At this wickedness, Princess Lycra was shaken but not stirred, and after applying her faithfull Ultegra brakes she avoided the carriage of evil. Princess Lycra, not being a candy arse, then cast a potent spell upon the ENDM as he passed by. The ENDM, upon hearing the Princess's spell, responded with an antispell of "can't you see I'm delivering papers". Of course this antispell was impotent against the enchanted Princess, who then cast another spell to turn him into a toad, of which he was already largely one.

The Princess continued on her way, but a quick glance behind revealed the ENDM performing a U turn, and again, not being a candy arse, the Princess also turned her enchanted bicycle to face whatever confrontation might be awaiting her. With her magic potions at the ready the all powerful Princess and the ENDM faced each other from 50 metres like knights about to joust. The tension rose as the combatants approached each other, and with the ENDM guiding his carriage of evil towards her with its dragon eyes ablaze, Princess Lyrca was wishing she was wearing her enchanted body armour.

As both the moment of truth and the carriage of evil arrived, the Princess quickly cast a silent spell of apology on the toady ENDM. Of course the ENDM was completely overwhelmed by the spell and slowed and pulled up adjacent to the Princess. Now fully under the control of the Princess's spell, the ENDM apologised for getting in the way of such a wondrous and magical being. The Princess, being benevolent and compassionate, as well as clever and gorgeous, (and modest), accepted the ENDM's apology while also providing some spiritual guidance on the respecting of cyclists.

The Princess and the now 'not so toady ENDM' parted on good terms with the ENDM now understanding the correct protocols of road sharing. This was an unusual but pleasing outcome for the Princess who had grown weary of the evilness she often encountered. The Princess was much relieved that the incident had ended so well, and without the unpalatable emotional aftertaste that sometimes follows one for the rest of one's journey.

Princess Lycra continued on her enchanted journey through her magical kingdom, accompanied only by the whizzing sound of her tyres upon the road of cycling satisfaction, and eventually covered 114km non stop without any further clashes with the forces of evil.

The End

[Patdys]

Nice.
Bit more magic,

Yesterday when I was riding, I turned into a sidestreet.

[CoffsGal]

Nice.
Bit more magic,

Yesterday when I was riding, I turned into a sidestreet.

Hehehe...good one...

[Pushy]

Nice.
Bit more magic,

Yesterday when I was riding, I turned into a sidestreet.

and changed your route?

[greyhoundtom]

Once upon a time in a magical land...
snip]
Princess Lycra continued on her enchanted way through her magical kingdom, accompanied only by the whizzing sound of her tyres on the road of cycling satisfaction, and eventually covered 114km non stop without further clashes with the forces of evil.

The End

Brilliant story and good on you for sorting him out!

I love it

[open roader]

and.....

may the Princess ride happily ever after...........

[AverageSpeed]

Oh Princess, I was about to reply but my poor, meagre male mind has commenced a system outage.

[ruscook]

so nicely written Emma, very clever .... Glad it wasn't Sydney or Toadman would have either run the Princess down, beat her with a bat, or shot her.... Ah there's still some (semi)-civilised folk in this land, they just don't live in the big cities...

Glad it turned out well for you.

[Ross]

Very entertaining story, well written but I wonder if there would of been a different outcome if there had been a Prince Lycra instead of Princess Lycra involved...

All's well that ends well.

[Kalgrm]

Verily didst I read yon tale of good fortune, with mine eyes a-tear and mine heart aflutter, Good Lady of the North. For to read of such chivalry yet existent in this kingdom doest portend well for knights and fair maidens alike, should they venture forth in thine Harbour of Coffs on steeds of steel and alloy and, yea, even CF!

Fare thee well true maiden,
Squire Graeme

[drubie]

Does that mean that when the other guys in the bunch exhort me to "harden up, princess" I've been transported into a fairy tale? I did feel a little dizzy on that climb...

(but hey, nice moral to the story, wish I could be that forgiving of the road using boneheads around here)

[giwi2]

So the princess got a life then?????????????????

[CoffsGal]

So the princess got a life then?????????????????

Yes, a fairytale life where I find a nice prince...Pinarello that is...

[Redbull]

ahhhh.........that explains those bumper stickers "MAGIC HAPPENS"

[kukamunga]

Nice tale, princess

What I don't understand is how ENDM's are allowed to pilot their 'carriages of evil' in such a dangerous and illegal manner ie. single-handedly, limb protruding from vehicle, eyes off road, erratic speed and direction changes, ejecting missiles, and usually all at the same time with out using indicators or with hazard lights flashing (which I thought were illegal to have on whilst vehicle in motion)

Do these 'dispatchers of tabloid diatribe logs' not contravene dozens of road safety laws, and if so, why aren't they cracked down on ? I know I have had close calls with them in early mornings past..... they can be an absolute hazard, especially in the darker, colder months

And aren't newspapers more efficiently delivered by bicycle ? I can't see how anyone could make money delivering 'diatribe logs' by car

[il padrone]

Nice tale, princess

What I don't understand is how ENDM's are allowed to pilot their 'carriages of evil' in such a dangerous and illegal manner ie. single-handedly, limb protruding from vehicle, eyes off road, erratic speed and direction changes, ejecting missiles, and usually all at the same time with out using indicators or with hazard lights flashing (which I thought were illegal to have on whilst vehicle in motion)

Do these 'dispatchers of tabloid diatribe logs' not contravene dozens of road safety laws

The only ones that are really illegal are the arm out of the vehicle and throwing an object, but only when the vehicle is moving. So if they stop at each premises then stick the arm out and throw, that'd be completely legal.

One-handed driving is legal. Else how do you change gear in your manual car?

Eyes off the road - impossible to enforce, we all do it at some time (like looking in your rear view mirror?)

Erratic speed and direction changes? Tell that one to your favourite taxi driver .

[Nate]

A-

[JV911]

The only ones that are really illegal are the arm out of the vehicle and throwing an object, but only when the vehicle is moving. So if they stop at each premises then stick the arm out and throw, that'd be completely legal

if he is anything like the toad i see of a morning:

- driving on wrong side of road
- driving dangerously
- throwing objects from moving vehicle
- failing to indicate
- etc etc ETC

[Sweeper59]

I once cycled with a woman who had 'magical' powers. She simply put her hand on my thigh.....and I turned into a motel !!!

[twizzle]

ahhhh.........that explains those bumper stickers "MAGIC HAPPENS"

Yep - they read much better than "Showtime Doesn't Happen"

[JV911]

I once cycled with a woman who had 'magical' powers. She simply put her hand on my thigh.....and I turned into a motel !!!

[hawksam]

Wonderful to see the merits of the Lycra princess converting the evil which is thrust upon our trails

[cavebear2]

'snip' Now fully under the control of the Princess's spell, the ENDM apologised for getting in the way of such a wondrous and magical being. The Princess, being benevolent and compassionate, as well as clever and gorgeous, (and modest), accepted the ENDM's apology while also providing some spiritual guidance on the respecting of cyclists.
'snip'

So... maybe you've got a job for life now to go around converting the lost souls of ENDMs.... or you could be the pin up princess for cycling advocacy, casting spells at ENDMs, taxi drivers, bus drivers, yobs, hoons and road ragers.

[Sweeper59]

I can see it now.......Shrek 4 (in 3D).....Princess Fiona in lycra, the evil Prince delivering newspapers and Shrek getting around the countryside in a recumbant!

[master6]

I read "Calvin and Hobbes" in the Hobart Mercury every morning; in fact we named a dog "Hobbes". If Princess Lycra develops into a cartoon, please advise urgently and I will petition the Mercury for a daily dose. We have two dogs now, so I cant promise any canine recognition at present.