Great Commuting Come Backs

[mactype]

a good habit to get into is to carry 2 water bottles, 1 obviously to quench your thirst, the second one is for piss, when some one upsets you, give them a squirt, preferably through open window onto clothing or better still the cars interior, takes forever to get the smell out just don't confuse the 2 after a big effort!

Bizzare, you actually take the time to pee into a water bottle and then you carry said "bottle o pee" around on the off chance that someone "might" do you wrong on the road.

[Kneedown]

In Perth the main bike path heading south along the freeway is between the north bound lanes of the freeway and the river.

Riding home one afternoon heading south, I see a bikie next to his Harley that has has broken down and its parked up on the emergency lane heading north and the bikie complete with goatee, decorated leather jacket and jeans, the whole works, is leaning against the side rail probably waiting for a tow .... anyway I ride past and for some bizarre reason decide to take my life into my own hands and yell out to him "Get a REAL Bike mate!!"

Have never ridden so hard all the way home!! If I had heard a Harley coming up behind me that arvo I would have surely pissed my knicks!!

[Strawburger]

Digging up an old thread here i know, but heard a cracker last night.

Riding through Pyrmont in Sydney, just outside the redevelopment of the casino (the casino has conveniently closed the bike lane to finish off their construction). Is is one lane each way, with pedestrians using the bike lane and bikes forced onto the road.

There was about 15 commuters on the way home stopped at the traffic lights. A woman driving a 4WD turns right and pulls up beside the bunch of cyclists.

Woman - "Why don't you use the bike lanes?"
Commuter 1 - "Because it's closed"
Commuter 2 - "Why are you holding up traffic?"

Crowd laughs, didn't hear if there was a response as the lights turned green.

[Queestce]

Ha, great thread.

I have way too many altercations on the road, but then again, I am the type of person that will sprint out of my way to catch someone who has tried to run me over and let them know I'm not impressed. Riding home from work this arvo a stupid cab driver decided that because I was in the left hand wheel track he could go through the giveway sign at an intersection to turn right and "slot" in next to me heading the same direction, rather than waiting 3 seconds for me to pass and do it properly... Needless to say, I had no idea he wasn't just pulling straight through the intersection so I slowed down as to not be t-boned, then he cut's me off and starts to drive down the road. I quickly caught him and gave his passenger window a knock. He looked across and I indicated that perhaps he should use his <REMOVED> eyes, then I proceeded to get in front of him and ride at about 3kph to see how he felt about being inconvenienced. You could tell he was quite affronted that a cyclist had actually pulled him up on it, but I am !! BAN ME NOW FOR SWEARING !! over it. I usually ride on 4 different bikes every day, 2 motorbikes and 2 bicycles. I don't let anything go any more, only because I really do hope that next time that dumb cabbie is at an intersection and has seen and recognised that a cyclist is coming he will choose to wait rather than risk another angry commuter giving him hell. I also tend to have a short temper... If someone innocently risks my safety that's one thing, but people just blatantly cutting me off because I'm on a pushbike isn't something I'll accept. I'll probably pick a fight with the wrong person some day, but I will keep letting people know when they have done outrageously stupid things.

A horrible, morbidly obese woman came within about 1 foot of running me over the other day. She literally just came to a T-intersction and pulled straight through without even turning her head to look if anyone was on the road she was turning onto, let alone stopping... Funnily enough, I was on the bloody road, literally a meter off crossing the street she came out of. It wasn't even a blind T-Intersection, and I had bloody bright lights on. That was on a big hill, but she had a red light at the top. I caught her, knocked on her drivers side window, she rolls it down and looked surprised to see me... As she hadn't even looked when she turned she had no idea anybody was around and her facial expression made it seem like she thought I was going to be a friendly commuter asking her for the time or something. She was a "bit" surprised when I instead grilled her for about 30 seconds about the fact that she broke about 4 laws and came within a foot of running me down and didn't realise any of it. I was spitting all over the shop too because I had just climbed a damn big hill, and was about 1/2 way thought a hard training ride, panting like. Once again, I hope that every time she comes to a T-Intersection she considers that if she doesn't see what's there her morning may go from being placid, to having someone aggressively point out her stupidity...

How do you eat an elephant...

[find_bruce]

I'll probably pick a fight with the wrong person some day, but I will keep letting people know when they have done outrageously stupid things.

Yeah been there done that, not my proudest moment. I don't intend to put in any details that would identify the incident, lets just say a car driver decided to escalate things from abuse to stalking me in his car to physical violence, kicking my bike and trying to push me over. It got to the point where I thought I was about to be hit & I launched a pre-emptive punch to his face. Not the best punch ever thrown, but like most bullies he backed down once I stood up to him.

Did make me think though - I am glad gun ownership is not common in Australia.

[Addictr3]

Rode into work the other morning and was taking my bike up the stairs to where I work, and one of the Project managers started laughing at me.. (I am a contractor) and I was like "whats funny" and he said "your lycra" and I just laughed at his face. (Guy is like 30kg overweight and ugly) nuff said, he shut up and havent seen him since.

[g-boaf]

That's an excellent come back, and the project manager has nothing much to say about it either, it hit the nail on the head.

I happened to be a taxi the other day, and was talking to the driver casually as you sometimes do - and talk somehow got onto to bikes and cyclists on the road. I happened to mention that cyclists often have video cameras set up and running when they are riding.

The taxi driver was astonished, and, I must admit, seemed to go very quiet - and white as a ghost.

That said, there are some cabbies about who are keen cyclists as well.

[Mugglechops]

Many years ago I was track standing at a set of traffic lights and the car driver behind me hung his head out the window and said "Get off the road or I will run you down and kill you"

My reply to him was "Go on, I dare you, run me over"

He pulled his head in after that.

I was probably lucky he wasn't a physco. I haven't tried it since.

[kiso]

Riding home after dark yesterday, Ay Ups blazing. I passed two teenagers on mountain bikes, stopped on the footpath at a corner. Both in dark clothing, neither had lights. I heard one of them say, "Check out the lights on that f-ing bike. Hey mate, lend us one of your lights!"

Yeah, right. I didn't have a snappy answer, just kept riding. Should I have said something?

[ATP]

Riding home after dark yesterday, Ay Ups blazing. I passed two teenagers on mountain bikes, stopped on the footpath at a corner. Both in dark clothing, neither had lights. I heard one of them say, "Check out the lights on that f-ing bike. Hey mate, lend us one of your lights!"

Yeah, right. I didn't have a snappy answer, just kept riding. Should I have said something?

You should've said: "I would, but I can't see you."

[Biffidus]

Should I have said something?

"who said that?"

[jimsheedy]

Ha, great thread.

I have way too many altercations on the road, but then again, I am the type of person that will sprint out of my way to catch someone who has tried to run me over and let them know I'm not impressed. Riding home from work this arvo a stupid cab driver decided that because I was in the left hand wheel track he could go through the giveway sign at an intersection to turn right and "slot" in next to me heading the same direction, rather than waiting 3 seconds for me to pass and do it properly... Needless to say, I had no idea he wasn't just pulling straight through the intersection so I slowed down as to not be t-boned, then he cut's me off and starts to drive down the road. I quickly caught him and gave his passenger window a knock. He looked across and I indicated that perhaps he should use his <REMOVED> eyes, then I proceeded to get in front of him and ride at about 3kph to see how he felt about being inconvenienced. You could tell he was quite affronted that a cyclist had actually pulled him up on it, but I am flying bicycles over it. I usually ride on 4 different bikes every day, 2 motorbikes and 2 bicycles. I don't let anything go any more, only because I really do hope that next time that dumb cabbie is at an intersection and has seen and recognised that a cyclist is coming he will choose to wait rather than risk another angry commuter giving him hell. I also tend to have a short temper... If someone innocently risks my safety that's one thing, but people just blatantly cutting me off because I'm on a pushbike isn't something I'll accept. I'll probably pick a fight with the wrong person some day, but I will keep letting people know when they have done outrageously stupid things.

A horrible, morbidly obese woman came within about 1 foot of running me over the other day. She literally just came to a T-intersction and pulled straight through without even turning her head to look if anyone was on the road she was turning onto, let alone stopping... Funnily enough, I was on the bloody road, literally a meter off crossing the street she came out of. It wasn't even a blind T-Intersection, and I had bloody bright lights on. That was on a big hill, but she had a red light at the top. I caught her, knocked on her drivers side window, she rolls it down and looked surprised to see me... As she hadn't even looked when she turned she had no idea anybody was around and her facial expression made it seem like she thought I was going to be a friendly commuter asking her for the time or something. She was a "bit" surprised when I instead grilled her for about 30 seconds about the fact that she broke about 4 laws and came within a foot of running me down and didn't realise any of it. I was spitting all over the shop too because I had just climbed a damn big hill, and was about 1/2 way thought a hard training ride, panting. Once again, I hope that every time she comes to a T-Intersection she considers that if she doesn't see what's there her morning may go from being placid, to having someone aggressively point out her stupidity...

How do you eat an elephant...

wow have you tried yoga, meditation?

You really should learn to calm down a bit. Verbally assaulting every motorist who you perceive has wronged you will eventually turn out badly. I'm not advocating a total buddhist like existence. If someone purposefully abuses you or targets you, of course you should defend your self. Putting every motorist who doesn't see you, into that basket is going a bit far don't you think. I've had plenty of people not see me, turn out in front of me. I luckily havent been hit but it is obvious they just didn't see me. Cyclists have to take some of the responsibility for this. No matter how bright we make ourselves with light and clothing, we still have a very small profile and therefore are easy to miss. Screaming at some poor woman just because she didn't see you is pretty average behaviour on your part. It's not going to make you any bigger and easier to see. Actually it makes you seem quite small.

[lunar_c]

I used to commute to work in Malaga, let's say for interstate readers it's a slightly rough industrial area in Perth. A couple of beer barrel bellied tradies were laughing at me getting my breakfast (which wasn't chips and a deep fried sausage) in my cycling gear, and asked me "what are you wearing mate? you look like a <REMOVED>" and I retorted calmly "I just rode 25km, when was the last time you broke out of a walk?" and rode off. Suprisingly I received no response!

I agree with the others though. Cycling is a peaceful pastime, and I try and be considerate to motorists and forgive. I actually stacked it big time one day on a foot path and some rough looking guys jumped out of their 4wd at the lights and came to check if I was okay. So you can't assume all motorists think we're all weird lycra-clad road fodder. We drive cars too sometimes!

[Queestce]

wow have you tried yoga, meditation?

You really should learn to calm down a bit. Verbally assaulting every motorist who you perceive has wronged you will eventually turn out badly. I'm not advocating a total buddhist like existence. If someone purposefully abuses you or targets you, of course you should defend your self. Putting every motorist who doesn't see you, into that basket is going a bit far don't you think. I've had plenty of people not see me, turn out in front of me. I luckily havent been hit but it is obvious they just didn't see me. Cyclists have to take some of the responsibility for this. No matter how bright we make ourselves with light and clothing, we still have a very small profile and therefore are easy to miss. Screaming at some poor woman just because she didn't see you is pretty average behaviour on your part. It's not going to make you any bigger and easier to see. Actually it makes you seem quite small.

Yea I tried mediation once, fell asleep, what a crock.

Anyway, you've taken what I said in the wrong way. I spend hours every day working, riding motorcycles, and most days riding pushbikes for leisure/fitness. Suffice to say, "not being seen" is a frequent issue. I have no problem with people who drive carefully, but are still incompetent - at least they're trying... I DO have an issue with people who drive ignorantly and don't even give themselves the opportunity to see someone with a "low profile" like a cyclist. The woman you and I are referring to did not simply roll up to a STOP SIGNED T-INTERSECTION, slow down, have a gander, miss me and drive straight through - that would be the norm. This woman came up to, and blasted through the STOP SIGNED T-INTERSECTION without even glancing in my direction, the size of my profile is irrelevant when people don't even look at the traffic flow they are entering... There is a world of difference between an innocent mistake like being missed in traffic, and someone with absolutely zero regard for other road users who doesn't even look at where they are going. The fact that I had a go at that lady had absolutely nothing to do with me being visually "missed" as a cyclist, and everything to do with the fact that she deliberately disobeyed a handful of laws designed to keep everyone safe in order to make up maybe 4 seconds of time, and in the process she managed to endanger my life. So yes, despite your opinion that it makes me "seem quite small", when a driver INTENTIONALLY does the WRONG thing and it risks my safety, I will most certainly endeavour to let them know. Honest mistakes and negligence are two very different things. As far as I'm concerned knowingly driving illegally is, as you put it, "... someone purposefully abusing you" - only, "you", refers to every other potential road user...

But hey, if yoga works for you

[the grid]

On two separate LBS early rides we got the continuous horn from a dropkick in an old 4wd who then stopped down the road to get his paper and maybe coke for his bourbon. The senior cool heads prevailed and we didn't retailiate on both occasions
Later I recognised his car was always parked at the local watering hole each Friday arvo and always with the drivers window down or perhaps absent. Careful planning and sleight of hand saw and open can of homebrand sardines placed on the rear floor....

[jimsheedy]

On two separate LBS early rides we got the continuous horn from a dropkick in an old 4wd who then stopped down the road to get his paper and maybe coke for his bourbon. The senior cool heads prevailed and we didn't retailiate on both occasions
Later I recognised his car was always parked at the local watering hole each Friday arvo and always with the drivers window down or perhaps absent. Careful planning and sleight of hand saw and open can of homebrand sardines placed on the rear floor....

Wouldn't it have been better to pull out the horn fuse?

[westab]

On two separate LBS early rides we got the continuous horn from a dropkick in an old 4wd who then stopped down the road to get his paper and maybe coke for his bourbon. The senior cool heads prevailed and we didn't retailiate on both occasions
Later I recognised his car was always parked at the local watering hole each Friday arvo and always with the drivers window down or perhaps absent. Careful planning and sleight of hand saw and open can of homebrand sardines placed on the rear floor....

Wouldn't it have been better to pull out the horn fuse?

I think "the grid" got it right - there may be a time that the horn realy should be used. Mind you both are very tempting and funny

[Sweeper59]

I mate of mine was on the Gold Coast for work and took his bike with him. One afternoon, he cycled out on the road past Sea World, a 'no through' road which leads to a headland a few km's further east. A carload of young guys thought it would be funny to lean out and slap him on the ar$e as they went past. It scared the cr@p out of him, but he managed to stay upright. Just then, a police car went past, heading back into Surfers. Pete flagged it down and told the police what happened.

Pete then hopped back on his bike and continued east. No too far down the road, he met the young guys speeding back the other way, who hit the horn and yelled at him again. He just smiled.

A few minutes later, as he cycled back into Surfers, he came across the 4 young guys sitting on the footpath while one of the officers gave them a lecture. The other had started searching their car.

My mate couldn't help himself and yelled out 'Have a good day, fellas!' as he cycled past.

[swaz]

Ok, I've got another.

Perp: Big fat women in a small white 2 door Barina.

My mate and I are enjoying a talk along a heavily speed humped water front stretch of road that goes for about 700mtrs. No parked cars, loads of room to pass. She zooms by and tells us to get the F off the road. I decide to bite back and catch up to her, because, there is a speed hump 30mtrs on where she has to slow down. Dumb bitch. I catch up to her, look at her blob like BMI of 50 fat arse and say in amazement "wow! You really are fat"

Jam on my brakes back down to 10km/h to wait for my friend whilst I watch her fly into a donut induced rage.

[KonaCommuter]

This thread is a whole jug full of LMAOade



Thanks for the laughs