how do you hide your purchases from your partner?

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queequeg
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Re: how do you hide your purchases from your partner?

Postby queequeg » Sat Jan 07, 2012 11:26 pm

MikeyD360 wrote:
queequeg wrote: For example, she wants to put Child #1 into Day Care 1 day a week. I said that is fine, but you need to find the $400 per month to do it. As she does not currently work or study, we get no childcare rebates, and we don't qualify for the means tested benefits.


Change of subject slightly, but with no work or study - if my partner came to me for $400/month to put a child into daycare my response would be "toughen up princess" :D
That said, I'm a selfish and insensitive man, so if you want to stay married, don't take my advice :P


Having been on holidays for a couple of weeks, I can see her point of view with two kids at home who both demand 100% of her attention. Putting #1 into care 1 day a week is supposed to be about as much as getting him socialised with other kids as well as giving the wife a bit of sanity to focus on the other one.
The big problem is when it comes to her working or studying. It costs around $180 a day to put two kids into care while she goes and earns an income, so she would need to be pulling in almost $50k per year just to pay for the childcare. In other words, there is no point in her going back to work full time until the kids are both in school (which does not cost us anything). For the moment she is just looking to finish off her Uni degree, hence the initial 1 day per week. However, that is still $400 per month I/we need to find in the budget, though we do get a 50% rebate if she is in full time study.
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Re: how do you hide your purchases from your partner?

Postby munga » Sat Jan 07, 2012 11:42 pm

you might find a family daycare mum in your area - think of it as a professional babysitter.
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Re: how do you hide your purchases from your partner?

Postby briztoon » Sun Jan 08, 2012 1:20 am

queequeg wrote:...there is no point in her going back to work full time until the kids are both in school (which does not cost us anything).


What the? Just wait and see.
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jules21
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Re: how do you hide your purchases from your partner?

Postby jules21 » Sun Jan 08, 2012 12:33 pm

damn, busted for the new helmet :?

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queequeg
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Re: how do you hide your purchases from your partner?

Postby queequeg » Sun Jan 08, 2012 12:34 pm

briztoon wrote:
queequeg wrote:...there is no point in her going back to work full time until the kids are both in school (which does not cost us anything).


What the? Just wait and see.


Well, I should clarify...there are no school fees. Unlike others in my circle of friends, we are not planning to send little johnny(ies) to an expensive private school.
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queequeg
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Re: how do you hide your purchases from your partner?

Postby queequeg » Sun Jan 08, 2012 12:35 pm

jules21 wrote:damn, busted for the new helmet :?


UV damage I tell you - the shell becomes brittle and the foam goes hard and offers no protection :-)
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Re: how do you hide your purchases from your partner?

Postby Xplora » Sun Jan 08, 2012 10:37 pm

LOL childcare is an absolute scam. 400 a month? GET STUFFED. That's almost 5K a year. If the kid needs socialising, go to a playgroup at the local church (many good churches have them). If the mum needs a break, get the relatives to take them for an afternoon each week while she does the shopping.

Some people have this misunderstanding of what a mum's job is. 24/7 child rearing. The presumption that girls should be doing anything else is rather peculiar to the last 40 years, and all the things that childcare should provide can be had elsewhere.

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queequeg
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Re: how do you hide your purchases from your partner?

Postby queequeg » Sun Jan 08, 2012 11:00 pm

Xplora wrote:LOL childcare is an absolute scam. 400 a month? GET STUFFED. That's almost 5K a year. If the kid needs socialising, go to a playgroup at the local church (many good churches have them). If the mum needs a break, get the relatives to take them for an afternoon each week while she does the shopping.

Some people have this misunderstanding of what a mum's job is. 24/7 child rearing. The presumption that girls should be doing anything else is rather peculiar to the last 40 years, and all the things that childcare should provide can be had elsewhere.


..yep, and that is only for 1 day a week for 1 child! Hence my reason for telling my wife...well, you find the $400 then!

Playgroup is one possibility, but there are no playgroups in our immediate area. Nearest is Castle Hill RSL, runs for about 2 hours once a week, and obviously requires the mother to be there and supervise (with other child attached). The only non-working relatives we have are my retired parents, and they have a busy schedule of golf playing. They take one child out for half a day every other week. They had an overnight stay with him a couple of weeks ago, and as a result I don't think he'll be allowed to do that again for some time!
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Toolish
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Re: how do you hide your purchases from your partner?

Postby Toolish » Sun Jan 08, 2012 11:21 pm

Xplora wrote:If the mum needs a break, get the relatives to take them for an afternoon each week while she does the shopping.


That is assuming the relatives are nearby and have nothing better to do.

Asking someone to drive 100+km each way to look after our kids because we want a break just doesn't sit right with me.
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Re: how do you hide your purchases from your partner?

Postby briztoon » Mon Jan 09, 2012 2:30 am

I ride past a park about 5 minutes drive from my place 3 or 4 times a week. Unless it's raining, there can be over 50 mothers there during the day with a lot more kids in tow. It's in the middle of middle class suburbia, has a really good kids playground with an exercise circuit (funny watching fit mums push a pram from one piece of equipment to the next, sipping on their Evian spring water) and lots of parking. I have always assumed these are stay at home mums who don't want to put their kids in child care.

I'd be looking to see if there are any such parks somewhere close. Take the kids and a packed lunch. Let the kids go wild, and I would guess that before long some other mums will start talking to you (or your wife).
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queequeg
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Re: how do you hide your purchases from your partner?

Postby queequeg » Mon Jan 09, 2012 9:36 am

briztoon wrote:I ride past a park about 5 minutes drive from my place 3 or 4 times a week. Unless it's raining, there can be over 50 mothers there during the day with a lot more kids in tow. It's in the middle of middle class suburbia, has a really good kids playground with an exercise circuit (funny watching fit mums push a pram from one piece of equipment to the next, sipping on their Evian spring water) and lots of parking. I have always assumed these are stay at home mums who don't want to put their kids in child care.

I'd be looking to see if there are any such parks somewhere close. Take the kids and a packed lunch. Let the kids go wild, and I would guess that before long some other mums will start talking to you (or your wife).


We had such a park a 10min walk from our old house. Playground, exercise equipment, bicycle path around the park, cafe, supermarket and some restaurants. Then we moved. Being in suburbia now means things are a lot further away, and generally only accessible by car (if it weren't for all those 18% gradient hills I would be riding my bike with a trailer attached)
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Re: how do you hide your purchases from your partner?

Postby RisingSun » Tue Jan 10, 2012 8:21 pm

I always say, 'I won it in a raffle'........ :lol: :lol: :lol:

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Re: how do you hide your purchases from your partner?

Postby lucky7 » Tue Jan 10, 2012 8:36 pm

queequeg wrote:
jules21 wrote:damn, busted for the new helmet :?


UV damage I tell you - the shell becomes brittle and the foam goes hard and offers no protection :-)


Will use that on my next helmet. Justified my new Catlike with 'incidental knocks and bumps over time will have caused damage...'

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Re: how do you hide your purchases from your partner?

Postby mmhbeer » Wed Jan 11, 2012 1:22 pm

My wife gives me $50 pocket money a week to do what I want with. So every fortnight I give a mate who works at a bike shop my $100 to pay off my "playby".

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Re: how do you hide your purchases from your partner?

Postby jasonc » Wed Jan 11, 2012 1:24 pm

mmhbeer wrote:My wife gives me $50 pocket money a week to do what I want with. So every fortnight I give a mate who works at a bike shop my $100 to pay off my "playby".


that's a lot of bikkies per year. cycling to work, I'm saving almost $50 a week. But I don't get $50 spending money. I just asked for permission to buy 2 new tyres. It was granted :D
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Re: how do you hide your purchases from your partner?

Postby WestcoastPete » Wed Jan 11, 2012 2:56 pm

Wow. I reckon hiding things would only lead to conflict, but I'm starting to realize that I'm on a pretty good wicket. I've always known it really, but some of these stories brings it home.

We have one joint account that everything goes into. We don't buy stuff, just what we need. We eat every day, so we may as well make sure we enjoy it by eating well. Other than that, we just pay bills and buy essentials. There's usually plenty left over for excesses such as bike stuff and I spend plenty on it, but I try and justify it. If it's a bit excessive, I discuss it with my wife - she's a great leveler and helpful in working out whether I've just got GAS or I'd actually use it. She's very supportive of my bike habit.

We're both young, childless and earning good money though, which helps.

Lucky me.

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Re: how do you hide your purchases from your partner?

Postby mmhbeer » Wed Jan 11, 2012 3:18 pm

jasonc wrote:
mmhbeer wrote:My wife gives me $50 pocket money a week to do what I want with. So every fortnight I give a mate who works at a bike shop my $100 to pay off my "playby".


that's a lot of bikkies per year. cycling to work, I'm saving almost $50 a week. But I don't get $50 spending money. I just asked for permission to buy 2 new tyres. It was granted :D


I think $50 is a bit on the tight side. $50 doesn't go far. I could either spend it buying my lunch, buy a carton of beer a week or on bike stuff.

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Re: how do you hide your purchases from your partner?

Postby BarryTas » Wed Jan 11, 2012 3:22 pm

i have a "Barry's Bike Stuff" account :)
when do we stop for coffee???

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jules21
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Re: how do you hide your purchases from your partner?

Postby jules21 » Wed Jan 11, 2012 5:57 pm

well i had a major breakthrough today - my hypothesis on upgraditis has been proven!

the last component on what was my 2003 norco bushpilot - the seat post - finally failed. every other part, bit by bit, has been upgraded and the seat post was the last original component. it went bang this morning - or rather the single bolt holding the seat rails to the post.

vindicated.

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Re: how do you hide your purchases from your partner?

Postby blatant » Thu Jan 12, 2012 11:31 am

We both have an allowance that we can spend on what we want (my girl is mad for nails and spa treatments which I don't mind as they keep her looking stunning haha)
I usually just pile up my allowance, and if I go over I just convince her the item wasn't as expensive. Carbon aerobars look like $10 worth of plastic tubing to her.
She doesn't check the statements because she doesn't care that much - I don't spend fortunes anyway.
Delivered to work and smuggled in, old parts kept in shed, new parts replace old and she doesnt notice.
the clothes she has a go at me for because she finds them in the wash. but once again, knicks.jerseys etc surely are only $30 just like a normal pair of shorts right?

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Re: how do you hide your purchases from your partner?

Postby hotfoot » Thu Jan 12, 2012 8:58 pm

I bought a bike carrier for my car as I had another flat (not mechanical) and wanted to take the bike to the LBS...it lives in the "junk"/spare room, buried under spare blankets and pillows...I earn my own money but am unemployed at the moment...so spending money sounds "wrong" somehow. I'll probably whip it out if we need it...and just say nothing.

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Re: how do you hide your purchases from your partner?

Postby melbnut » Mon Jan 16, 2012 8:24 pm

queequeg wrote:
Xplora wrote:LOL childcare is an absolute scam. 400 a month? GET STUFFED. That's almost 5K a year. If the kid needs socialising, go to a playgroup at the local church (many good churches have them). If the mum needs a break, get the relatives to take them for an afternoon each week while she does the shopping.

Some people have this misunderstanding of what a mum's job is. 24/7 child rearing. The presumption that girls should be doing anything else is rather peculiar to the last 40 years, and all the things that childcare should provide can be had elsewhere.


..yep, and that is only for 1 day a week for 1 child! Hence my reason for telling my wife...well, you find the $400 then!

Playgroup is one possibility, but there are no playgroups in our immediate area. Nearest is Castle Hill RSL, runs for about 2 hours once a week, and obviously requires the mother to be there and supervise (with other child attached). The only non-working relatives we have are my retired parents, and they have a busy schedule of golf playing. They take one child out for half a day every other week. They had an overnight stay with him a couple of weeks ago, and as a result I don't think he'll be allowed to do that again for some time!


No childcare rebate? You get half back.. 5k per year.. What do you spend on bike bits? Man up and look after your wife's mental state, looking after kids full time is not easy

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Re: how do you hide your purchases from your partner?

Postby redcorpsjames » Tue Jan 17, 2012 8:34 am

Gather all the things you dont want them to see, then cover it all with an indian throw rug
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norbs
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Re: how do you hide your purchases from your partner?

Postby norbs » Tue Jan 17, 2012 10:25 am

Maybe I should set up a service to buy stuff for people on the sly. :)

Mail me cash and I will do the rest at only 12% of the value of the purchase. :D

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Re: how do you hide your purchases from your partner?

Postby Mulger bill » Tue Jan 17, 2012 8:52 pm

:lol: Was that a Nigerian address Norbs?

If you're looking for a Vic agent... :wink:

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