it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling parent

User avatar
jules21
Posts: 10555
Joined: Thu Apr 02, 2009 11:14 pm
Location: deep in the pain cave

it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling parent

Postby jules21 » Mon Nov 12, 2012 11:23 am

we've seen it in other sports for years now and i saw it for the first time yesterday in cycling.

presumably dad riding alongside his son on the Kew Boullie. dad was dressed in all-Silence Lotto gear on roadie, while son was in lycra kit and flat bar. the son looked about 16(?) and obviously not yet a lean, mean cyclist. he was sweating profusely as i passed him and overheard the old man ordering him "come on! i want more out of you!"

i cringed and rode on.

User avatar
g-boaf
Posts: 21219
Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2011 6:11 pm

Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby g-boaf » Mon Nov 12, 2012 12:13 pm

That's not a nice thing. :(

I'm guessing the dad didn't ride for that team, did anyone ask him about wearing team kit? :P

Sydguy
Posts: 749
Joined: Wed Nov 17, 2010 10:33 pm
Location: Sydney (Rhodes to City Commuter)

Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby Sydguy » Mon Nov 12, 2012 1:54 pm

That is beyond sad. Poor 16 year old!

You should of told the Dad "Come on I want more out of you!" as you passed/dropped him.

JM

User avatar
ldrcycles
Posts: 9593
Joined: Thu Oct 28, 2010 3:19 pm
Location: Kin Kin, Queensland

Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby ldrcycles » Mon Nov 12, 2012 3:49 pm

Ouch :( .
"I must be rather keen on cycling"- Sir Hubert Opperman.

Road Record Association of Australia

User avatar
Xplora
Posts: 8272
Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2010 12:33 am
Location: TL;DR

Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby Xplora » Mon Nov 12, 2012 3:53 pm

That's fantastic... very very hard to work out how that relationship is going based on 10 seconds of judgment. Maybe the boy needs the push? Maybe the dad is having a bad day? Maybe the boy is having a bad day? LOL

Judge not, lest ye be judged yourself... there are tons of deadbeat teens, and they aren't made into champions by bludging. My parents didn't push me, I pushed myself when I was a kid, but it was definitely something modelled to me. HTFU isn't something you are born with.

User avatar
jules21
Posts: 10555
Joined: Thu Apr 02, 2009 11:14 pm
Location: deep in the pain cave

Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby jules21 » Mon Nov 12, 2012 4:01 pm

Xplora - i've read a few bios of champion cyclists and i'm yet to come across one in which they did anything but discover cycling themselves and use self-motivation to achieve. i think having your dad yell at you is about the surest way of ensuring a kid will grow to resent whatever endeavour they're being pushed into.

my dad pushed me with a few things as a kid and it certainly killed my enthusiasm. i grew to love cycling for the feeling of freedom it gave me. the last thing i'd have wanted was my dad riding alongside, yelling orders.

User avatar
greyhoundtom
Posts: 3023
Joined: Sun May 31, 2009 6:28 am
Location: Wherever the sun is shining
Contact:

Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby greyhoundtom » Mon Nov 12, 2012 4:09 pm

A presumed father...............might have been the boys paid coach inciting a bit more effort. :?:

User avatar
jules21
Posts: 10555
Joined: Thu Apr 02, 2009 11:14 pm
Location: deep in the pain cave

Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby jules21 » Mon Nov 12, 2012 4:12 pm

greyhoundtom wrote:A presumed father...............might have been the boys paid coach inciting a bit more effort. :?:
who knows, but to me his voice had the distinct tone of an overbearing parent, not a paid coach.

User avatar
jules21
Posts: 10555
Joined: Thu Apr 02, 2009 11:14 pm
Location: deep in the pain cave

Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby jules21 » Mon Nov 12, 2012 4:15 pm

Xplora wrote:Judge not, lest ye be judged yourself...
i'd be more hesitant to draw judgment if i was identifying them, but as they're anonymous, it's more just a random observation.

i think i made it clear enough that there was scope for me to miscomprehend what was going on, but i know what it looked like.

User avatar
fitz
Posts: 832
Joined: Sun Oct 09, 2005 7:01 pm

Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby fitz » Mon Nov 12, 2012 4:35 pm

my dad pushed me with a few things as a kid and it certainly killed my enthusiasm. i grew to love cycling for the feeling of freedom it gave me. the last thing i'd have wanted was my dad riding alongside, yelling orders.
This.
I did a one eighty on nearly everything my dad pushed me into.
Can I have some of these?

User avatar
drubie
Posts: 4714
Joined: Wed Oct 22, 2008 11:12 am
Location: New England
Contact:

Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby drubie » Mon Nov 12, 2012 5:48 pm

There was a bit of that kind of thing on show at the state junior cycling championships (although I highly recommend going along to spectate if it comes near you one year).

Having said that, 99% of the parents are incredibly supportive, it's a tiny minority that are doing the overbearing parental thing. Some of the camping/travelling setups those families have invested in are quite a sight to behold, I guess that 1% are just trying to get their moneys worth :twisted:
So we get the leaders we deserve and we elect, we get the companies and the products that we ask for, right? And we have to ask for different things. – Paul Gilding
but really, that's rubbish. We get none of it because the choices are illusory.

User avatar
ColinOldnCranky
Posts: 6734
Joined: Fri Feb 27, 2009 4:58 pm

Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby ColinOldnCranky » Tue Nov 13, 2012 12:09 am

What can you glean from ten seconds even if you were there? Even less on hearsay.

Totally agree Xplora. I was relieved as I scrolled down to see at least some reluctance by a few to judge the reported moment. With due respect to Jules, there will be plenty of kids who will be coaxed and cajoled out or choice and desire. I have seen it often enough of friends in my youth and since. I copped some of it myself. Sometimes parents, sometimes other supporters or coaches.

I think we are taking a big step to assess the incident too seriously.

(Remembers back to days of Ron Barrassi.)
Unchain yourself-Ride a unicycle

User avatar
scotto
Posts: 2380
Joined: Tue Dec 01, 2009 9:38 am
Location: Baulkham Hills
Contact:

Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby scotto » Tue Nov 13, 2012 2:21 am

Maybe it wasn't even his dad.

User avatar
Alex Simmons/RST
Expert
Posts: 4997
Joined: Fri May 02, 2008 3:51 pm
Contact:

Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby Alex Simmons/RST » Tue Nov 13, 2012 8:18 am

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mchu6 ... o1_400.gif" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

wardie
Posts: 399
Joined: Wed Jul 01, 2009 10:03 am
Location: Kirrawee, Sydney, NSW

Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby wardie » Tue Nov 13, 2012 9:01 am

I took my 6 year old son out for a ride on the weekend and whilst I never said that I wanted more from him, I was making sure that I strongly encouraged him to 'just try and get up the hill'. I hope no one thought I was being over-zealous.

My Dad never actively encouraged me to do anything (apart from becoming an accountant which I didn't) so I find myself leaning the other way.
Giant XTC 2

User avatar
jules21
Posts: 10555
Joined: Thu Apr 02, 2009 11:14 pm
Location: deep in the pain cave

Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby jules21 » Tue Nov 13, 2012 9:46 am

wardie wrote:I took my 6 year old son out for a ride on the weekend and whilst I never said that I wanted more from him, I was making sure that I strongly encouraged him to 'just try and get up the hill'. I hope no one thought I was being over-zealous.
if you're still doing that when he's 16, i'd be more likely to wonder if there's a problem :)

wardie
Posts: 399
Joined: Wed Jul 01, 2009 10:03 am
Location: Kirrawee, Sydney, NSW

Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby wardie » Tue Nov 13, 2012 9:51 am

jules21 wrote:
wardie wrote:I took my 6 year old son out for a ride on the weekend and whilst I never said that I wanted more from him, I was making sure that I strongly encouraged him to 'just try and get up the hill'. I hope no one thought I was being over-zealous.
if you're still doing that when he's 16, i'd be more likely to wonder if there's a problem :)
I hope he still talks to me when he's 16.
Giant XTC 2

igstar
Posts: 348
Joined: Mon Jan 12, 2009 10:54 pm
Location: Melbourne
Contact:

Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby igstar » Tue Nov 13, 2012 10:20 am

I was at a crit racing event in Melbourne and overheard a couple of parents having a go at each other on the side over the sons who were competing at the time. So sad...

User avatar
munga
Posts: 7023
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2008 3:17 pm
Location: wowe
Contact:

Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby munga » Tue Nov 13, 2012 2:24 pm

yeah go along to a junior rugby league final for entertainment in the stands!

User avatar
ColinOldnCranky
Posts: 6734
Joined: Fri Feb 27, 2009 4:58 pm

Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby ColinOldnCranky » Tue Nov 13, 2012 2:25 pm

jules21 wrote:
wardie wrote:I took my 6 year old son out for a ride on the weekend and whilst I never said that I wanted more from him, I was making sure that I strongly encouraged him to 'just try and get up the hill'. I hope no one thought I was being over-zealous.
if you're still doing that when he's 16, i'd be more likely to wonder if there's a problem :)
Unless said 16yo is by then trying to crack into national selection or something and is himself calling for encouragement/harrassment/shouting for the extra immediate motivation. Whatever works for him.

I suspect that those who have an issue with this sort of stuff is to do with the failed wannabe athlete who lives out their own frustrated ambitions thru their kids. Regardless of my posts here you can count me into that group btw.
Unchain yourself-Ride a unicycle

User avatar
VRE
Posts: 582
Joined: Fri Aug 24, 2012 9:14 am
Location: Ringwood North, VIC, Australia

Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby VRE » Mon Nov 19, 2012 8:11 am

jules21 wrote:Xplora - i've read a few bios of champion cyclists and i'm yet to come across one in which they did anything but discover cycling themselves and use self-motivation to achieve. i think having your dad yell at you is about the surest way of ensuring a kid will grow to resent whatever endeavour they're being pushed into.

my dad pushed me with a few things as a kid and it certainly killed my enthusiasm. i grew to love cycling for the feeling of freedom it gave me. the last thing i'd have wanted was my dad riding alongside, yelling orders.
Agreed. My Dad was the opposite of the one described in the OP: he spent about 2 decades trying to convince me to get a driver's license, then gave up. I'm content to just be a cyclist, and he's seen the physical effect of it and I think is happy that I'm doing it :D .

Eleri
Posts: 444
Joined: Sun Jan 17, 2010 12:16 pm
Location: Inner West, Sydney

Re: it had to happen - the overbearing vicarious cycling par

Postby Eleri » Mon Nov 19, 2012 7:00 pm

That chap has a good throw on him! :D

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users