Armstrong to Launch Legal Action Against Self

[roller]

Armstrong to launch legal action against self.
By Todd Flandis

In breaking news this afternoon it has been revealed that Lance Armstrong has taken the unprecedented step of launching legal action against himself.

Suing for an undisclosed sum, the lawsuit filed in the U.S. District Court in Austin, lists loss of income, emotional distress and damage to reputation amongst the reasons for the lawsuit.

Lance Armstrong recently revealed on a U.S. talk-show that he had taken performance enhancing drugs during his dominating 7 year reign of the Tour De France.

Speaking candidly on the talk-show, Armstrong was at pains to stress that “that guy” who had doped to win the tour was a man he had left behind, and he was now a reformed man.

Insiders close to the disgraced cyclist say that he wants the world to know that he has changed and wants to distance himself from the past.

“Lance feels that his old self has really let him down, he’s done untold damage to his reputation, his finances, both current and future, and has hurt his family. He can think of no other way of rectifying the situation than launching this lawsuit, to try and repair the damage that has been done to Lance’s life”, said a source who spoke on condition of anonymity.

With airtight public liability insurance policies in place, the lawsuit could be worth millions to the now ex-Tour De France winner, with a clear pattern of his actions over the last 10 years clearly causing an almost catastrophic meltdown of his reputation and finances.

Reading from a prepared statement on the courthouse steps, Armstrong said “I’m launching this lawsuit because I want to set an example going forward, and on behalf of cycling fans and cancer survivors all over the world, I want to let it be known that such actions (such as those of Lance Armstrong) should not be tolerated”

“My reputation has been damaged, my finances decimated, and this has caused extreme emotional distress to my family. I believe that we will show in court that I am entitled to compensation for all this pain and suffering.”

The insurance company embroiled in the lawsuit could not be reached for comment.

http://smh.com.au/2013/01/21/armstrong- ... inst-self/

[bigfriendlyvegan]

He's obviously a liar and probably has something to gain from telling his story now. Lance should take Lance down. It's shear jealousy.

BTW, this scenario is full-on lawyer pr0n.

[AUbicycles]

Where was this story pulled from? The SMH link doesn't work nor can I search and find any articles via google.
BNA is the ONLY site with results for these search terms.

I am choosing not to comment until this is confirmed.

[Joeblake]

http://weeklyworldnews.com/headlines/63 ... 8-million/

Joe

Funning like a cox, our Lance is.

[Joeblake]

In breaking news, following the revelation that Lance Armstrong was going to be suing himself, he is reported to have issued a violence restraining order against himself, and one of the conditions of that order is that he is not to approach within 50 metres of himself.

When asked what was the violence that caused the order, Lance would not comment, saying only "Ask him, HE knows!!!"

"Well," said Armstrong, "this is going to make any reconciliation difficult, though not impossible. The relationship has not broken down irretrievably but it's on the very edge."

Following the serving of the restraining order, Lance Armstrong has gone into hiding, and he doesn't know where his head is at.

Joe

[RonK]

Very well written, very humorous.

[jindydiver]

Where was this story pulled from? The SMH link doesn't work nor can I search and find any articles via google.
BNA is the ONLY site with results for these search terms.

I am choosing not to comment until this is confirmed.

It is obviously satire, not meant to be serious

[gorilla monsoon]

Too soon?

[Ozkaban]

Too soon?

Nope.

I'm just glad he had the ball to confess at last.

[grantw]

Rofl

[macca33]

Very funny and in all reality, the thought of suing 'that guy,' has probably passed through his self-serving, disingenuous, unable to tell the truth mind - on more than one occasion. By creating the nasty, bullying, belligerent past third person, he is clearly distancing himself from responsibility - it is a classic case.

Whilst I was not expecting him to break down in tears during the interview - possibly a first for an Oprah 'interrogation' - his demeanour was far from remorseful and as it now stands (according to allegations from those involved with him during that period), he well and truly held back on the truth - in relation to a number of matters.

Let the fun / piss-taking begin, I say.

cheers

[AUbicycles]

You got me, though wasn't that obvious (for me) with the amount of info floating around.... But for goodwill will leave a

[Joeblake]

Le Tour de Mordor,
Directed by Peter Jackson

Gollum: We wants it, we must haves it, we WILL haves it, the Yellow Precioussssss. It is ours. We will do ANYTHING to gets it.

Smeagol: No, we can't do that. It's not nice, people won't likes us if we drinks the magic potions.

Gollum: Never mind what other peoples thinkses. Anyway, they ALL drinks the magic potion, so we can do it too, otherwise we will go down into histories and never be remembered. Our Precioussss is what we wants,

Smeagol: But these other peoples are our friends, we will be hurting them.

Gollum: We don't have friends. We don't NEED friends, as long as we have the Golden Precioussssss. Ours, it will be ours forever, the Magnificent Seven of them.

Smeagol: I'm not listening. No, we shouldn't do this. No, it is a bad thing.

Gollum: Quiet you weak little rat. Go away, and never come back ... hello? Aah, at last it is ours, the Golden Preciousssssss. They will NEVER take it from us, never.

[ball bearing]

Reads like an article from The Onion.

[ldrcycles]

Le Tour de Mordor,
Directed by Peter Jackson

Gollum: We wants it, we must haves it, we WILL haves it, the Yellow Precioussssss. It is ours. We will do ANYTHING to gets it.

[bigfriendlyvegan]

otherwise we will go down into histories and never be remembered

He'll be remembered, all right: Lance Armstrong, Governor of Texas, Cancer Survivor, Reformed drug cheat.

[AUbicycles]

Since the Armstrong Doping affair, anyone else noticed that on the smh.com.au website, the sport section has now been moved underneath Travel and Cars? Spooky.

[sogood]

He'll be remembered, all right: Lance Armstrong, Governor of Texas, Cancer Survivor, Reformed drug cheat.

You might just be right in that state, especially if he also supports the gun lobby. Scary!

[Ozkaban]

He'll be remembered, all right: Lance Armstrong, Governor of Texas, Cancer Survivor, Reformed drug cheat.

You might just be right in that state, especially if he also supports the gun lobby. Scary!

I do actually wonder if that's in his future... Being a liar and a cheat isn't exactly a handicap in that profession and for someone with such strong self belief and a massive ego to massage it stands out as a career choice...

[Chuck]

[Ozkaban]

Very silly, yet somehow very amusing

[Joeblake]

But let's not forget this was not the only bike involved. This affair covered 7 years. There are his time trial bikes, and what about his old bikes, eg the ones he used to race against Marco Pantani? I think we're looking at cycle conspiracy here, a closed circle of cycle silence. What happened to all his old bikes? Let's face it, when you're looking at sport at this elite level, loyalty is the first casualty. Surely they can't all be waiting on tables. Did he send them off to his Nikee sweatshops so they could be ridden into early graves by poverty stricken youngsters with absolutely no idea of how to look after these thoroughbred machines. Oh, the frustration of riding at about 2 km/h through the choked roads of some foreign land with pollution laden air rubbing against their once-highly polished decals, after having had the thrill of assaulting the Col de Tourmalet in the white hot furnace of competition, or even riding cross country in an effort to take his rider to victory.

Shame Armstrong, Shame.

Written and posted on behalf of all the discarded racing bicycles of the world - the forgotten victims of Le Tour de Infamy.





Joe

[JohnJoyner]

Armstrong to launch legal action against self.
By Todd Flandis

In breaking news this afternoon it has been revealed that Lance Armstrong has taken the unprecedented step of launching legal action against himself.

Suing for an undisclosed sum, the lawsuit filed in the U.S. District Court in Austin, lists loss of income, emotional distress and damage to reputation amongst the reasons for the lawsuit.

Lance Armstrong recently revealed on a U.S. talk-show that he had taken performance enhancing drugs during his dominating 7 year reign of the Tour De France.

Speaking candidly on the talk-show, Armstrong was at pains to stress that “that guy” who had doped to win the tour was a man he had left behind, and he was now a reformed man.

Insiders close to the disgraced cyclist say that he wants the world to know that he has changed and wants to distance himself from the past.

“Lance feels that his old self has really let him down, he’s done untold damage to his reputation, his finances, both current and future, and has hurt his family. He can think of no other way of rectifying the situation than launching this lawsuit, to try and repair the damage that has been done to Lance’s life”, said a source who spoke on condition of anonymity.

With airtight public liability insurance policies in place, the lawsuit could be worth millions to the now ex-Tour De France winner, with a clear pattern of his actions over the last 10 years clearly causing an almost catastrophic meltdown of his reputation and finances.

Reading from a prepared statement on the courthouse steps, Armstrong said “I’m launching this lawsuit because I want to set an example going forward, and on behalf of cycling fans and cancer survivors all over the world, I want to let it be known that such actions (such as those of Lance Armstrong) should not be tolerated”

“My reputation has been damaged, my finances decimated, and this has caused extreme emotional distress to my family. I believe that we will show in court that I am entitled to compensation for all this pain and suffering.”

The insurance company embroiled in the lawsuit could not be reached for comment.

http://smh.com.au/2013/01/21/armstrong- ... inst-self/

Crack up. I love it & no way is it too soon.
I, for one, would forgive him all his transgressions, if he did in fact launch a lawsuit against himself.
Other than that, the confession was useless. We already knew all he said. I am waiting for a proper confession under oath...