Parents not letting me cycle

pysun
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Parents not letting me cycle

Postby pysun » Sat Dec 08, 2018 11:59 am

I am currently 13 and my parents have finally bought me a discounted road bike and cycling gear after 5 months of me negotiating with them. However, they are now refusing to let me ride on any road other than the M7 cycleway in Sydney once every 2 weeks and have locked that bike up at other times, claiming it "unsafe"(despite me riding 120+ km of per month on an old Big w bike to school on the road without ever getting into any accidents), ironically, they won't buy me a better helmet than a $19 department store helmet. They have also forced me to do sports in which I don't like(eg. basketball, soccer, etc.) instead of letting me to do my favourite sports(eg. swimming, cycling, etc.).

Do you have any advises for me in order to convince my parents that cycling is indeed safe and healthy(hint: male fertility) and that I am fully capable of keeping my self safe from cars, thanks!

RhapsodyX
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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby RhapsodyX » Sat Dec 08, 2018 12:54 pm

Threaten to take up track racing. One of my 13y'olds does it, I can't even watch!

I feel for you - but not every parent can do risk assessments (probability/consequences/mitigation) in their head.

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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby JPB » Sat Dec 08, 2018 12:58 pm

Try and get them to ride with you.
Use google maps etc and plan a ride on low traffic roads and paths and go over the route with them. Just take it slow and win them over in stages.

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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby pysun » Sat Dec 08, 2018 1:09 pm

JPB wrote:Try and get them to ride with you.
Use google maps etc and plan a ride on low traffic roads and paths and go over the route with them. Just take it slow and win them over in stages.


I have tried doing that before however, there was no way to convince them by riding with them as they seem to have an incurable phobia with bikes and are even afraid to ride on very quiet backstreets and bike paths themselves.

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g-boaf
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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby g-boaf » Sat Dec 08, 2018 1:13 pm

pysun wrote:I am currently 13 and my parents have finally bought me a discounted road bike and cycling gear after 5 months of me negotiating with them. However, they are now refusing to let me ride on any road other than the M7 cycleway in Sydney once every 2 weeks and have locked that bike up at other times, claiming it "unsafe"(despite me riding 120+ km of per month on an old Big w bike to school on the road without ever getting into any accidents), ironically, they won't buy me a better helmet than a $19 department store helmet. They have also forced me to do sports in which I don't like(eg. basketball, soccer, etc.) instead of letting me to do my favourite sports(eg. swimming, cycling, etc.).

Do you have any advises for me in order to convince my parents that cycling is indeed safe and healthy(hint: male fertility) and that I am fully capable of keeping my self safe from cars, thanks!


Once every two weeks? :( I'd just point blank refuse to do those other sports, especially if you hate them. Eventually the message will get across.

There are plenty of other kids out there who ride a lot, some from my club. What usually happens is the parents ride with them (if quick enough), or one of the dads will drive along following the kids in his van with hazard lights flashing. That parent is also one of the coaches in our club.

Your best bet might be getting involved with one of the better bunch rides (perhaps run by a club or a local bike shop) where you'll be always around other riders, that might be ease the fears of your parents.

As for unsafe, it can be unsafe walking out the door and tripping on an uneven footpath, yet we all keep walking. This morning on the M7 motorway, a car had overturned and from the looks of it, the driver probably died. Despite that, I guess your parents still keep driving.

I can tell you are frustrated - just hope sanity prevails. You've obviously got the drive to want to ride more.

RhapsodyX wrote:Threaten to take up track racing. One of my 13y'olds does it, I can't even watch!


That's how most of the kids in our club start off, track racing. And from a young age. Sure, accidents happen sometimes but they are not all that common and those kids are fine riders.

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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby bychosis » Sat Dec 08, 2018 1:15 pm

Still got the old big w bike, or can get hold of another one? Ride that and then enjoy the times you do get to ride the new bike. Research other options for riding off the road other than the m7. Parents are weird creatures at times, teenagers are weirder and the two often don’t see eye to eye. Try not to fight, that won’t help at all.
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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby pysun » Sat Dec 08, 2018 1:22 pm

g-boaf wrote:
pysun wrote:I am currently 13 and my parents have finally bought me a discounted road bike and cycling gear after 5 months of me negotiating with them. However, they are now refusing to let me ride on any road other than the M7 cycleway in Sydney once every 2 weeks and have locked that bike up at other times, claiming it "unsafe"(despite me riding 120+ km of per month on an old Big w bike to school on the road without ever getting into any accidents), ironically, they won't buy me a better helmet than a $19 department store helmet. They have also forced me to do sports in which I don't like(eg. basketball, soccer, etc.) instead of letting me to do my favourite sports(eg. swimming, cycling, etc.).

Do you have any advises for me in order to convince my parents that cycling is indeed safe and healthy(hint: male fertility) and that I am fully capable of keeping my self safe from cars, thanks!


Once every two weeks? :( I'd just point blank refuse to do those other sports, especially if you hate them. Eventually the message will get across.

There are plenty of other kids out there who ride a lot, some from my club. What usually happens is the parents ride with them (if quick enough), or one of the dads will drive along following the kids in his van with hazard lights flashing. That parent is also one of the coaches in our club.

Your best bet might be getting involved with one of the better bunch rides (perhaps run by a club or a local bike shop) where you'll be always around other riders, that might be ease the fears of your parents.

As for unsafe, it can be unsafe walking out the door and tripping on an uneven footpath, yet we all keep walking. This morning on the M7 motorway, a car had overturned and from the looks of it, the driver probably died. Despite that, I guess your parents still keep driving.

RhapsodyX wrote:Threaten to take up track racing. One of my 13y'olds does it, I can't even watch!


That's how most of the kids in our club start off, track racing. And from a young age. Sure, accidents happen sometimes but they are not all that common and those kids are fine riders.


Thanks for your insightful suggestions! However, as I have pointed out, I have tried refusing to do other sports(they signed me up for a basketball coach) and telling them that every activity has risks(like you have said: walking on the footpath, basketball, etc). I have also suggested them to let me join a nearby cycling club.

Unfortunately, none of these methods have worked out and my bike still remains to be locked. I guess I will have to try convincing them another time.

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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby g-boaf » Sat Dec 08, 2018 1:23 pm

pysun wrote:
JPB wrote:Try and get them to ride with you.
Use google maps etc and plan a ride on low traffic roads and paths and go over the route with them. Just take it slow and win them over in stages.


I have tried doing that before however, there was no way to convince them by riding with them as they seem to have an incurable phobia with bikes and are even afraid to ride on very quiet backstreets and bike paths themselves.



I had a thought, why don't you get your parents to take you down to the Armory, Sydney Olympic Park on Thursday night, get there by 5:00pm, my club runs racing there and we've got some good people there who'll be able to talk to your parents and calm their fears. Many of those people are parents, they also have kids who ride (and race).

https://www.facebook.com/LidcombeAuburnCC/

We do track training as well: https://www.facebook.com/LidcombeAuburn ... =3&theater

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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby pysun » Sat Dec 08, 2018 1:37 pm

g-boaf wrote:
pysun wrote:
JPB wrote:Try and get them to ride with you.
Use google maps etc and plan a ride on low traffic roads and paths and go over the route with them. Just take it slow and win them over in stages.


I have tried doing that before however, there was no way to convince them by riding with them as they seem to have an incurable phobia with bikes and are even afraid to ride on very quiet backstreets and bike paths themselves.



I had a thought, why don't you get your parents to take you down to the Armory, Sydney Olympic Park on Thursday night, get there by 5:00pm, my club runs racing there and we've got some good people there who'll be able to talk to your parents and calm their fears. Many of those people are parents, they also have kids who ride (and race).

https://www.facebook.com/LidcombeAuburnCC/

We do track training as well: https://www.facebook.com/LidcombeAuburn ... =3&theater


Thanks! I will try my best to convince them to let me ride with LACC!

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g-boaf
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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby g-boaf » Sat Dec 08, 2018 1:47 pm

pysun wrote:Thanks! I will try my best to convince them to let me ride with LACC!


Maybe they can just have a chat first to some of our people - see how that goes. Small steps first. :) We do have a lot of kids racing though, so you'll be around other kids of your age who love riding as much as you do.

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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby NASHIE » Sat Dec 08, 2018 1:58 pm

g-boaf wrote:
I had a thought, why don't you get your parents to take you down to the Armory, Sydney Olympic Park on Thursday night, get there by 5:00pm, my club runs racing there and we've got some good people there who'll be able to talk to your parents and calm their fears. Many of those people are parents, they also have kids who ride (and race).

https://www.facebook.com/LidcombeAuburnCC/

We do track training as well: https://www.facebook.com/LidcombeAuburn ... =3&theater


This is good advice, if you can get your parents to take you to club training night, then hopefully they can see the team side of the sport.
Not sure about Sydney, but Perth velodrome has hire track bikes which is a great way to get started. Track training nights are a great way to learn skills and learn to ride around others riders.

FWIW we let our 15 yr old son disappear for training rides on his own, but at 13 it was limited to track training nights, training with me or a ride on the PSP.

My neighbour as a kid was never allowed to OWN a bike, as his mums brother was a very good track rider who she saw have to many bad falls.
As soon as finished school he went on gap year and rode a bike around europe on his own :lol:

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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby madmacca » Sat Dec 08, 2018 2:17 pm

First, kudos for asking for suggestions - I'm not sure I would have done that at 13.

Negotiations like this are tricky, but I would suggest something along the lines of the following:

1. Make it clear that cycling is your thing - something that you are passionate about. And acknowledge that they have supported you in that by buying you the bike.
2. Acknowledge their fears. They may be overly cautious, but it is because you are precious to them. It comes from a good motive. Parents put rules in place, because as a child you may not understand the risk. As you become at teenager, you gradually become more aware of the risks out there, and can judge them for yourself.
3. So the issue then becomes "How can you cycle safely?" Just the M7 pathway is unacceptable to you, and open slather on the roads is unacceptable to them, so find something in between those two. I agree with the suggestion of a cycle club, as it is a controlled environment where you will be doing it with others, under adult supervision. Show them the cycle club's website, the schedule, etc - this shows them that you have done your research. Rather than trying to persuade your parents "there is no risk", show them that you understand the risk and that this is a way of lowering the risk (showing them you are at least aware of the risk is the key to getting them to treat you as a teenager, not a child).
4. Answer any questions they have, and perhaps let them go down to a club training session and see for themselves.
5. Don't demand an instant answer. Changing their minds about this is probably something your parents will want to discuss between themselves, so give them a day or two.

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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby trailgumby » Sat Dec 08, 2018 3:12 pm

Do you still have the mountain bike? Are there off-road singletrack trails near you?

I find MTB singletrack it is actually a better workout than the road bike as it works your entire body (even though I'm dying from a 100km, 2 Gorges + Mt White ride this morning). I'm guessing they're paranoid about cars (kind of natural for parents living in Sydney) in which case your riding in the bush might settle their nerves.

Once every two weeks is not enough. Out near the M7 there is the Wylde MTB park which is not particularly technical but is a real hoot when ridden fast - very flowy but still with plentyof elevation change to make you work, hard.

What suburb are you in?

If you are determined to ride road, riding with a club will teach you road skills that will help reduce those risks, and incidentally make you a much more alert and safety conscious driver when you are old enough in a few years time to qualify for your learners permit.

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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby cyclotaur » Sat Dec 08, 2018 3:25 pm

The advice about getting along to a cycling club is the best. Look up the nearest club and go along yourself if you can to scope it out, or ring someone and get them to call your parents and invite you and them down to the club to check it out.

They will look after you there. and it will help reduce your parents concerns.
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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby brumby33 » Sat Dec 08, 2018 4:34 pm

trailgumby wrote:If you are determined to ride road, riding with a club will teach you road skills that will help reduce those risks, and incidentally make you a much more alert and safety conscious driver when you are old enough in a few years time to qualify for your learners permit.


Actually Trailgumby has stumbled onto a very good point, by riding on some roads, practicing the road rules, learning the road rules will make you a much more alert, knowledgable car driver when the time comes. By Understanding how to read the traffic, read the body language of car positioning, this will help you a lot in years to come. Some friends of mine who have tried to get their motorcycle licence even struggle because they never grew up ontop of 2 wheels.

My suggestion is to get online, learn the road rules...and I mean learn them .....show tyour parents that you're taking responsibility and to lessen the chance for something to happen, they may give in if they see you are determined and don't give up in your quest.

I know how you feel knowing your bike is locked up and you can't use it...I remember back when i was a lad your age, if i was in strife, my old man would take my bike apart, hide the parts either in the car boot knowing i couldn't get to them while his car was at work. This often went on for 2-3 weeks at a time....often with me grovelling and begging to get my bike back. I wasn't allowed to have a bike till I was 10, up till then i went through 3 pump-up scooters :lol:

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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby LateStarter » Sat Dec 08, 2018 5:15 pm

Many good suggestions have been made, parents can be a problem can't they but they likely mean well but just over estimate the apparent dangers (some of which are real), you have to make allowances for them, educate them, build their confidence, allay their fears, work with them within their limitations and seek to enlarge the envelope of what they are comfortable with, let them think they are in control, don't increase the conflict levels but find ways to work with them to get what you want. The more you ride the more confident they will become that the dangers are not a big as they believe. Don't knock the M7 option, it is a great ride, you can do 100kms round trip without encountering motor vehicles. Play the long game, time is on your side, play along with them, take every opportunity to ride the M7 or elsewhere they are happy with, you will increase fitness, get more experience, build real confidence and improve your case for more riding with less restrictions. Great suggestion of getting them to ride with you too.

My parents said the same, too dangerous, too much traffic....but that was in the 1950s and I, being such an obedient child, had to wait till I was 55 before I bought my first bike (well I didn't really have to wait but because I didn't take it up while young it just didn't figure much in my thinking till I had wrecked my knees with decades of cross country running). But for the last 11 years I have done a lot of riding, some years 10,000kms+. You are lucky you are getting into it early now and you will have 80, 90, 100 years of riding in front of you, good luck.

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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby mikesbytes » Sat Dec 08, 2018 5:50 pm

Hi and welcome to the forum. I'm a parent and parents are always concerned about the safety of their children.

To better understand your parents, could you let us know what they do to maintain their fitness?
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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby 10speedsemiracer » Sat Dec 08, 2018 6:17 pm

I'm going to be the voice of caution here, and suggest that we only have part of the context and it may be irresponsible of us to provide in-depth advice to a minor (no offence intended Pysun) but there may be other considerations.

I note that the sports that the parents want OP to be involved in are team-based, as opposed to OP's preference for individual pursuits. I'm not going to speculate as to the reason for this but I have a notion.

Pysun, this is something you need to discuss rationally with your parents, and try to gain an understanding of their thinking. If it turns out that they do in fact want you specifically to be involved with a team environment, perhaps suggest that you join a cycling club and participate in team events/training etc...just an idea.
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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby g-boaf » Sat Dec 08, 2018 7:17 pm

10speedsemiracer wrote:I'm going to be the voice of caution here, and suggest that we only have part of the context and it may be irresponsible of us to provide in-depth advice to a minor (no offence intended Pysun) but there may be other considerations.

I note that the sports that the parents want OP to be involved in are team-based, as opposed to OP's preference for individual pursuits. I'm not going to speculate as to the reason for this but I have a notion.

Pysun, this is something you need to discuss rationally with your parents, and try to gain an understanding of their thinking. If it turns out that they do in fact want you specifically to be involved with a team environment, perhaps suggest that you join a cycling club and participate in team events/training etc...just an idea.


You've already speculated and said it fairly obviously, we can all read between the lines. Whatever happens, the parents have to be okay with it and satisfied.

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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby queequeg » Sat Dec 08, 2018 10:15 pm

See if they will let you get involved with with inter school cycling, which is a schools based cycling competition. They race every weekend.

It’s all on closed courses (off road) and is separate to cycling australia

http://juniorcyclist.org.au
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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby human909 » Sun Dec 09, 2018 3:56 am

10speedsemiracer wrote:I note that the sports that the parents want OP to be involved in are team-based, as opposed to OP's preference for individual pursuits. I'm not going to speculate as to the reason for this but I have a notion.

Pysun, this is something you need to discuss rationally with your parents, and try to gain an understanding of their thinking. If it turns out that they do in fact want you specifically to be involved with a team environment, perhaps suggest that you join a cycling club and participate in team events/training etc...just an idea.


In my personal experience (as a child) and outside observation (as an adult), pushing kids into sports they have no enthusiasm in is not the best approach. And team environments IME don't really promote teamwork for kids that are lacking the physical or team skills. (Not too much difference for adults in my experience either. Engineering degrees try to teach engineers communication skills by forcing them into group projects! Ha, good luck. Stereotypes about engineers and their communication skills have a clear basis. (Speaking as an engineer myself.)

But like you have said he is a minor and we are not his guardians. But many have offer helpfuled suggestions of approaches he could use to discuss this in a more rational way with his parents to achieve the desire outcome.

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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby AUbicycles » Mon Dec 10, 2018 6:11 am

Hi Pysun, good move to reach out and get feedback to work on an approach.

When your parents primary concern is safety, I would also support the idea of joining a club where your parents can see that you are being looked out for and guided.


On the 'fertility' topic, certainly curious if your parents have voiced concerns and I have some very real feedback. Specifically major arteries in the perineum are compressed and blood flow drops. Some riders don't see any effect but some however will suffer various health effects.

The solution is a saddle with a cut-away in the middle. While riding, the actual weight of your body needs to be carried by the sit-bones on the left and right and this cut-away in the saddle prevents compressing/pinching and reduces or stops any potential health effects. Choosing the right cycling shorts is also useful.

The tell-tale sign that your 'setup' is not perfect, if you feel numb down there after riding for a while, it is a bad sign. Usually you won't get pain, rather numbness... and to have to make changes. Perhaps this type of insight will give you and your parents peace-of mind.



Finally, a slightly cheeky suggestion is to watch the 1984 film, Footloose together with your parents. (rating is actually 13+). It includes a subtle suggestion that the 'authorities' mean well, but are acting in their own interests. It's a good film and won't get you into trouble.

Good luck!

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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby CKinnard » Mon Dec 10, 2018 8:45 am

Another POV Pysun.

- your parents obviously know more about you than anyone on the forum.
They may think you have an addictive or obsessive trait, and might spend way too many hours alone on your bike, with no tangible reward, apart from fitness. The "team" sports they prefer you do are a greater opportunity to learn cooperation and social skills, and develop friends your own age. They might think you need developing in that respect.

- maybe they have seen you ride, or express a lack of awareness around traffic in the past.

- maybe they have seen too many close calls of other cyclists nearly being wiped out by cars, pedestrians, cyclists.

Either way, take this opportunity to learn how to negotiate smarter.

I'd suggest you approach each of your parents separately, and ask them carefully what their concerns are. if they are not forthcoming with clear responses, provide a few to prompt them ('is it my lack of awareness or care', is it my lack of awareness of the road rules, is it my underdeveloped bike handling skills', 'is it my lack of understanding of human behavior and the human condition, that makes many other people a danger to cyclists').

You need to comprehend their mindset too. If you get hurt, it is they who are seriously inconvenienced, both financially, time and energy wise, and emotionally.

Usually when trying to persuade people to change their minds, you need to take a "systematic desensitization" approach. Step 1, get them used to you riding on shared paths, riding with intelligent sensible riders, building your skills. Step 2: ride on quieter roads when there's less traffic in a group. etc. etc. It could take a year or two to ease their concerns....but persevere, building super skills, learning all the rules in depth. And appreciate your parents have a wisdom well beyond your years, and don't be too tough on them! :)

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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby g-boaf » Mon Dec 10, 2018 8:51 am

CKinnard wrote:Another POV Pysun.

- your parents obviously know more about you than anyone on the forum.
They may think you have an addictive or obsessive trait, and might spend way too many hours alone on your bike, with no tangible reward, apart from fitness. The "team" sports they prefer you do are a greater opportunity to learn cooperation and social skills, and develop friends your own age. They might think you need developing in that respect.


Isn't that what happens in cycling clubs? Maybe your club doesn't have a lot of kids racing, but ours has plenty. They train and race together a lot.

Anyway, we are all just guessing.

It's also worth remembering that in other team sports you can also be seriously hurt.
Last edited by g-boaf on Mon Dec 10, 2018 9:02 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Parents not letting me cycle

Postby Calvin27 » Mon Dec 10, 2018 8:58 am

Parents are a funny bunch. Do the complete opposite. Sit on the bench, make a mess of the sport, throw some travels and fouls in basketball, miss a few penalties and maybe some bad passing. Make it a terrible experience. Then take up video games and play that like mad. Don't go eat dinner when asked and use common line like - after this stage. Tell them you can't pause it.

I rekon very sonn they will be like - just go and get back on your bike.
Last edited by Calvin27 on Mon Dec 10, 2018 9:15 am, edited 1 time in total.
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